“Trust fall!” My sister exclaims as my 7-year-old self playfully scrambles to catch her in my tiny arms. As my sister gets back on her feet, I take my turn by shouting the same two words, arms wide open, freely falling back without any hesitation. I feel a wave of confident relief when I, too, am “saved” by my sister in the same way I “saved” her.
This is just one of the countless recollections of my childhood of when I did trust falls–-both falling and catching–-with other people I knew. Whether I was the one falling, or the one “saving” the other person, I was always entertained by how everything involved in the act fit together like a puzzle. Although it’s not always perfect, this small, three-second interaction encapsulates the essence of one trusting their life on someone without looking back, while the other person willfully captures them in their arms.
I always wished that life was this simple: without hesitation, one believes that another is reliable enough to help them with something. There is not a single drop of doubt, making life seem easier and more efficient. If life was like this for everyone, there would be less trouble, less stress…and pretty much less of every negative consequence imaginable.
But the reality is that life will not always be this perfect. There will almost always be at least one person in your life who will cause you to reconsider how much trust you should put in others, regardless of your relation to them.
The situation described above alludes to what you call trust issues. These types of issues arise when someone promises that they will commit to doing a certain thing, but they don’t follow through. This results in a loss of trust for that person, potentially leading to a lessened amount of trust for other people you encounter in life.
Trust issues are very prevalent here in America. According to Pew Research, 49 percent of Americans claim that they think U.S. citizens’ trust in each other has declined because people are not as reliable as they once were.
Situations where trust issues emerge can be reminiscent in occurrences of daily life. One of your teammates for a group project promises to complete their part of the assignment before a certain deadline, but they never finish it, nor do they communicate about it in your team’s group chat. You and your friend agree to meet next week for coffee, but they never show up, leaving you cluelessly waiting until you hear back from them an hour later. Even though these examples are quite simple, they still hold the potential to further heighten your trust issues.
Yet there are also instances in life where breaking one’s trust can have much worse consequences. Someone you considered a “good friend” of yours talks behind your back, calling you something you would not want to hear if you were there. A person who portrays themselves as a trustworthy companion takes advantage of you because of your looks, personality, and/or popularity. Someone who, despite claiming they will be there for you during hard times, disregards your emotions and makes no effort to hang out with you or see how you’re doing.
While I sometimes hate to admit it, I myself suffer from a great deal of trust issues.
As I grew older, my perception of life being held together by “trust fall” moments slowly crumbled into a chasm of distance, fear, and extreme caution. Because of various experiences–-both the simple and the deeply complex–I’ve encountered throughout the years, I increasingly grew warier of every single action I made when interacting with people, ranging from how I socialized with them, to how much about myself I shared with them, even to how I styled my hair and clothes.
After some reflection, I don’t necessarily think it’s entirely bad or toxic for someone to have trust issues. As the saying goes, “The more you know, the better.” The more exposure you have to different circumstances, both positive and negative, the more aware you become, and the more you can protect yourself from people and situations which are truly not worth your trust. In other words, you develop more conscientiousness as a result.
However, having trust issues can be, well, an issue itself when it becomes a detriment to one’s mental health. Conditions such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and even schizophrenia may arise from trust issues. Not to mention that one may begin to refuse to forgive others, experience a lack of self-esteem, and feel suspicious of almost everyone they know.
If you or someone you know has trust issues, be aware that there is not one single solution to help overcome them. The best way to deal with trust issues may vary from person to person, and it all comes down to trying different things out until they find something that works. A few starters include taking your time to build trust, communicating about your trust with those you are close with, and going to therapy.
Yet something that many may gloss over is their ability to trust themselves. If you take a step back and reflect on who you are and what you’re worth, you may be able to realize that trusting and even loving yourself is one of the most paramount steps you can take to regain your trust in others.
The journey to overcoming trust issues will not always be easy or quick. I myself am still going through this process, and I can attest that there is still so much to learn. In the same way, life will not always be as smooth as a trust fall, but with time and growth, you can eventually learn how to stand on your own two feet.