On a bored Tuesday night, I decided to redownload Hinge and see what I’ve been missing lately. Maybe a super cutie was out there, or at the very least, some interesting conversation. Within mere hours of downloading and after just a few swipes, I officially had the ick, and promptly deleted the app. Everyone was cringey, all the same, and weird.
For reference, my prompts on Hinge were as follows:
I go crazy for: “Sex and the City”
My greatest strength: “Resume editing”
The way to win me over is: “You have good style”
Based upon my 12 hours or so of having the app on my phone, here are the top icks on Boulder Hinge profiles.
Bad opening messages
You have to make a good first impression on dating apps! I cannot count the amount of basic, gross and thoughtless opening messages or likes to prompts that I got. I would strongly prefer no message over something like what I found.
Imagine the following coming from Boulder frat boys, 35 year old men and your peers:
Prompt: I go crazy for: “Sex and the City”
The response: “haha we’re already in the city…”
Number one, ew. Number two, if this wasn’t disgusting, did you really think this would either make me want to sleep with you or would lead to a conversation good enough for us to go on a date? Do you think you’re the first person on my Hinge to think of this?
I considered taking this out because of the sheer volume of these types of responses I got, but I think it’s a good filter for people who I probably wouldn’t like.
Prompt: My greatest strength: “Resume editing”
The response: “omgg can you please edit my resume i need it”
This one was kinda cute the first time I saw it, in a way. The second, third and eighth times I saw it, it was less enticing. I do not want to perform free labor for a random Hinge man who is probably riding the resume someone else made for him freshman year. Resume editing is a service that CU offers if you’re a student, and it’s also something many people pay to get done. No, thank you.
Prompt: The way to win me over is: “You have good style”
The response: (a man with incredibly basic style) “we could be a fashion power couple”
Seeing this even from someone with good style is kind of weird to me. I personally think that I have good style, yet I would never claim it on a dating app to a complete stranger. Also, coming from someone wearing nothing but jeans and random free t-shirts in his profile, with maybe a suit pic from graduation, just doesn’t do it for me.
All of these icks come from overly confident men that think they are God’s gift to this world.
Men with only group photos
Listen, I get it! It’s a cruel world out there. Showing your face on a dating app can be vulnerable. But what you should not make prospective matches do is search through and cross-examine every photo in your profile to figure out which person is you, especially if there’s a friend or two in all the group photos.
Put yourself out there, make it easy, and show off the real you! Confidence is the biggest thing when dating, and you gotta fake it ‘till you make it
In the same vein, I’d include profiles with a large (more than 2/6 photos) not being of the person. I love a good pet or meme thrown in a profile, but I also want to see you in more than two outfits and maybe even doing something fun!
Any variation of asking to smoke on the first date
There are an insane amount of profiles with some variation of “let’s smoke and watch TV,” “Let’s hit some dabs and go on a hike,” etc.. I don’t know about most people, but my idea of a safe and fun first date is not being with a stranger alone getting high and hanging out. You wouldn’t really invite someone over to your house for a first date to drink; you would go out to a bar and do something in public.
Also, for a first date, usually I’d like to do something a bit more planned out. A picnic, movie, coffee or lunch! It doesn’t need to be expensive or even cost money at all if you get creative, but a bit of effort beyond saying, “just come on over and get high” on an app like Hinge (instead of Tinder wink wink) is definitely appreciated.
Basic profiles
I’ve heard about the “Boulder bubble” throughout college, but it becomes glaringly apparent on dating apps. Everyone and their mother has the same questions, pictures and profiles.
“Ikon or Epic?”
“Just moved here, show me around.”
“Let’s climb.”
“Looking for someone to adventure with.”
You get the point. The outdoors is fun and amazing, especially in Boulder, but I don’t know that it needs to be the only local conversation starter.
Dating apps are notoriously hard and awkward, so all of this is in good fun! I think that my type doesn’t exist in Boulder as much as I would like, and I’m not even looking to date right now, which, of course, makes everyone 10x more cringey than if I was really pursuing the dating app lifestyle.