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There is No Way The Wet Bandits Survived Kevin McCallister’s Wrath: Here’s Why

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CU Boulder chapter.

I love “Home Alone.” It’s funny, a Christmas favorite, and makes you feel warm and cozy inside all at once. Like most people, my favorite part of the movie itself is when Kevin fights off the Wet Bandits and protects his home. Watching a little kid completely outsmart two grown adults is surprisingly entertaining. That being said, there is simply no way that the Wet Bandits survived Kevin’s wrath. Let’s break down Kevin’s retaliation plan in the first “Home Alone”. 

Kevin starts his attack gently, by shooting Harry in the groin with his brother’s BB gun, and Marv in the face. Up next, Harry tries to climb up the icy stairs and completely wipes out. It is unlikely that his landing flat onto his back on the cement wouldn’t prompt paralyzation, or at least it would’ve knocked the wind out of him. In fact, Harry doesn’t only fall once, but twice. Even if the first fall didn’t do it to him, the second one definitely did. 

Marv would be dead right off the bat. When he enters the basement (during which time Harry is getting a torch to his head), and tries to turn on the light, Marv gets an iron to the face. Not just any iron, but one which has fallen for almost a whole building story. Realistically, if someone had an iron fall straight on their face, with the speed it had accumulated throughout its fall, they would either be left with a concussion or a broken neck, depending on how their face was oriented when the iron hit them. 

Once the bandits are in the house, it gets real. At this point, while both Marv and Harry should have retained serious injuries, neither of them were dead. When they try to go up the stairs to catch Kevin, he retaliates by sending two full gallon sized paint cans into their faces. The weight and momentum of the flying cans combined with landing backwards on a flight of stairs would most definitely kill a mortal human being. 

Finally, right before Kevin finally escapes into the tree house he puts Buzz’s tarantula on Marv’s face, who immediately freaks out. But when the spider makes its way onto Harry’s torso, Marv doesn’t miss a beat and – with a full wind up – slams a metal crowbar into Harry’s ribs. With the swing and momentum of a fully grown man, sinking a crowbar into your ribs and chest, you are likely to sustain major injuries. There is no way that Harry’s ribs were not shattered during that scene. And there is no way the Wet Bandits could have peacefully stood up and continued their pursuit of Kevin. 

What makes Marv and Harry really superhuman, is that not only do they magically survive Kevin’s “fun house” in the first movie, but they also come back for much more in the second movie. Again, this is not meant to be a betrayal of “Home Alone”. I have always loved those movies, and will continue watching them every holiday season for many years to come. But, it is worth noting that either the Wet Bandits are some sort of super-humans that cannot be killed, or…. Well that seems to be the only real option. 

Yana Medvedeva

CU Boulder '25

I am a student at CU Boulder, but am originally from New Jersey. I love Op-eds, creative, and persuasive writing. I also love spending time outside, whether that be running, hiking, or just hanging out with some friends. In the winter, you'll definitely catch me on the slopes!