Embarrassment: we’ve all felt it, we’ve all seen it, and yet, it’s the most isolating of feelings. Being in an “embarrassing” situation can feel like a spotlight while the cruel world gawks in judgement. I’ll admit some embarrassing predicaments are definitely far more dehumanizing than others. I could never compare the one time I accidentally pantsed myself on campus whilst on a mobility scooter (true story unfortunately) to that time when I accidentally called my teacher mom in kindergarten, yet the emotional response and spiral was all the same.Â
I was at the gym recently after a rather embarrassing week. Sick and tired of my overplayed music, I opted for a podcast. After having a really crummy week, I chose one titled The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, episode titled “6 Ways to Stop Giving a F*ck”, hoping to gain some parasocial reassurance, and did I ever.Â
I used to get so unbelievably embarrassed at even the smallest of things. All it took was one clumsy act or misspoken word and my head flooded with worry about what everyone else thought of me. If I let myself drift too far into thought, I’m nauseated by how I let the opinions of others rest at the forefront of my mind. At some point this past year, however, something changed: I just stopped caring. Maybe my frontal lobe developed some more, but it certainly wasn’t effect of any sort of crazy epiphany or life changing experience—though I do think the pantsing incident was pivotal here—there was just a moment when I realized the things that used to fluster me the most are nothing but laughable anecdotes.Â
By the time I was done running on the treadmill and gasping for air, the hosts of the podcast left me a bountiful plate of food for thought. While the episode was formatted more like a laundry list how-to on why you shouldn’t care about what other people think, it was these two lines in the hour long episode that I cared about the most: “To be loved by all, is to be loved by none” and “No matter what you do, you will always be judged.”Â
For a long time, I used to assume that the only way to curb the potential of embarrassment was to people please. As a recovering people pleaser, I can confidently say living your life for the sole purpose of pleasing others is the biggest waste of time. No two people have the same taste, so why put so much energy into erasing parts of yourself for the likeness of others? I’ll tell you why, it feels great to be accepted by others— and I am so guilty of craving that kind of high. The host of the podcast argued on how important it is to be polarizing in your spirit, interests and decisions. When you embrace the aspects of yourself that are so polarizing on one side of a spectrum, sure you might scare off a crowd of people, but simultaneously you’ll attract all the people drawn to your “weird.” One man’s trash is another’s treasure, and I’m not saying this to tell you that in the eyes of some you’re trash, I say this as a reminder that not everyone’s made to love you, so why try being loved by people who can’t love all of you?Â
I’d love to say I’m above being a judgmental person, but I’m not— I argue no one is, and according to my freshman year sociology professor, “We make judgments every second.” Judgements are how we perceive others and reflect on ourselves, I will preface however that not all judgements are kind and should always be voiced. “No matter what you do, you will always be judged”, a message that over the course of my workout, left me just as contemplative as I was sweaty. No matter how embarrassing, how amazing, how awful, how unique; you will never not be judged. Okay, so that’s a bit terrifying, but why should you care? I mean why did I– I was once so fixated on being accepted by others that ruining that streak of validation would haunt me. Embarrassing moments and slip ups are detrimental if you let them consume you. My expert advice; own it (and I once spilled ice cream everywhere on a first date.) You can’t reclaim the power on something if you let the way others respond to it rule. I’m clumsy, awkward, and accident prone to an alarming degree and yes, I totally pantsed myself on campus and it was arguably the lowlight of my April (and I broke my ankle that month), but its those stories that make both me and my friends laugh more than those. Being able to laugh at yourself is an art, and so is not caring. I held such animosity towards expressing myself, my art, my character and being in fear that other people would hate me for it. Judgement is inevitable, why should that ever hold you back or plague you? Being embarrassed sucks, but in two weeks you’ll have a kickass story to tell, so own it, it’s fun I promise.Â