I recently re-emerged into the world of being single. Naturally, my friends and I have been relentlessly binge-watching romance movies, reigniting my hopelessly romantic outlook on love. Just in the past month, I have obsessed over big tear-jerkers like The Notebook and Titanic, and even movies whose plots don’t entirely revolve around love, like Little Women, Pearl Harbor, Top Gun, and Rocky and Rocky II.
Of course, while watching these films, I was overcome with the expected emotional responses: longing, joy, grief, and bittersweet melancholy. However, as the credits rolled, I was met with profound doubt. I found myself once again craving a type of old-fashioned love that I am not sure exists anymore.
This generation is full of insufferable dating and technological habits. Read receipts, social media stalking, ghosting, situationships, and, of course, the agonizing superficiality of dating apps. There also seems to be some sort of endless pursuit of appearing uninterested or acting nonchalant that has made modern romance feel more like a game than a genuine attempt at finding love.
In my last relationship, I was praised for being a “low-maintenance girlfriend.” At the time, I took this as a compliment. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for making my boyfriend’s job easier by not asking for much. Looking back, without those godforsaken rose-colored glasses, I wonder if I was genuinely easygoing or if I had just learned to expect very little and settled for it.
I never want to be a low-maintenance girlfriend again. I want the flowers. I want the dates to be planned. I want to be surprised with things I only mentioned once. And as I’m typing this right now, I’m realizing none of these things are particularly extravagant. “Princess treatment” is something my best friend and I give each other without even thinking. So why have I, time and time again, settled for less?
When I am in love, it’s all or nothing. I find myself going out of my way for my person because that is what I know a relationship to be. I plan gifts for months. I remember everything about him. I write love poems, of all things. I love unapologetically, loudly, and with everything I am. So I must ask myself again: Why have I spent so much time convincing myself that I should be satisfied with receiving less than what I am willing to give? I mean, honestly, I am starting to think my dream guy is just me as a guy.
Unfortunately, I think generations of women have found themselves in this same position. We convince ourselves that we are asking for too much by wanting our partners to put in a little extra effort. Or, even worse, we wait around for it too long. We tell ourselves they’re just not the romantic type or that they show love differently than we do. We make excuses for people we love because admitting we’re disappointed feels much worse than pretending we aren’t or hoping things will eventually change.
Maybe somewhere along the way, we start feeling embarrassed for wanting to be treated romantically. We feel ashamed for going above and beyond for a man who impresses us by simply opening the car door. We don’t want to be the girlfriend who asks for things, who needs constant reassurance, or who expects grand gestures. We want to be the cool girlfriend. The laid-back one.
But what is so wrong with wanting to be courted? When did wanting someone to make an effort to pursue you become synonymous with being high-maintenance?
I mean, come on. Noah built Allie’s dream house after not speaking for seven years, just because he promised when they were teenagers. Jack literally froze to death so Rose could live. Rocky, a literal boxer, was the sweetest, most awkward gentleman when it came to courting Adrian. These men were certainly not perfect, but they were passionate, vulnerable and, most importantly, unafraid to show how much they cared. And in this day and age, we’re supposed to get butterflies because a man texts us back within a reasonable amount of time?
Perhaps I’m an old soul when it comes to love, and I certainly know myself to be a bit of a hopeless romantic, but I don’t think chivalry is dead. I think we’ve just become too comfortable accepting less than we deserve, especially in a generation where putting in effort is considered desperate and doing the bare minimum is considered sentimental. And as I navigate being single again, I’ve decided I am officially retiring my title as the low-maintenance girlfriend.
I don’t need a love story worthy of the movies. I just hope to find one that doesn’t leave me wishing I were watching someone else’s.