Sonder is defined in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as: “the awareness that other people all have their own complex set of feelings and experiences.” I feel like there is a very shallow awareness that everyone has their own lives, with their own experiences, feelings, and problems, but the concept isn’t at the forefront of our minds. I feel like there are disadvantages to that, and the concept of sonder can help us in our own lives.
When I’m in class or in a cafe or on a bus, I’m often people watching. It’s something I love to do, to look around and see what other people are doing or experiencing in that moment. I would highly recommend it, because, sometimes, it’s really interesting. There’s something special about watching other people live out their lives. That was the start of my interest in sonder, but it never went further than a couple minutes.
Lately, I’ve had a lot going on in my life. It’s been pretty chaotic and sometimes just too much. However, life doesn’t stop and I had to keep going through the motions. During my class or even in conversation I would think about how much I had going on and how no one could know that if they hadn’t talked to me in a while or just didn’t know me. That got me to start thinking about everyone else too and how I had no idea what was going on in everyone else’s life. The person next to me could’ve been having a great or horrible day, and I wouldn’t have a clue either way. But the point is that they have their entire life that I don’t know about.
It was at this point that sonder became a bigger thing in my mind, it took up more space. As it was taking up space, I realized that it was a good thing. One really big advantage of the awareness that everyone has their own complex lives, is that yours doesn’t feel so big anymore. All of those problems crushing me down seemed a lot smaller when I realized that other people have probably either gone through or are currently going through the same ones.
It’s easy to focus on your problems and stresses in your life, and it’s easier when you’re only focused on yourself. Problems get smaller when you begin to think outside of yourself, and I believe you become more rounded as well. I think everyone could use some sonder in their lives, at least to put their own lives in perspective.