Situationships Abroad: Why Dating In France Feels Different From Boulder

We all know situationships, the unofficial “era” of modern dating. Especially in college towns like Boulder, they’ve become almost more normal than actual relationships. Instead of clear labels or defined expectations, many people find themselves in that gray area where you do all the things a couple does — go on dates, sleep over, text constantly, meet each other’s friends — but without ever actually calling it a relationship. It’s the comfort of having someone, without the pressure of commitment. 

For some, situationships feel easy and low-stress, a way to stay emotionally connected with someone while still keeping options open. But for others, they bring confusion, stress, mixed signals, and the dreaded late-night question: “What are we?” In a culture where no one wants to seem too attached or too serious, situationships have become the default setting of college dating. 

Coming from Boulder, this kind of dating culture felt completely normal to me. It’s not unusual for a guy to ask for your Snapchat instead of your phone number, or for things to stay in that vague, undefined stage for weeks, sometimes months, without any real conversation about what’s going on. Everything back home feels a little more casual and noncommittal, a lot more dependent on late-night texts and “you up? ” energy. After spending time abroad in France, I started to notice something different, something shocking almost. The way people approach dating and labels here doesn’t follow the same script as back in Boulder. It made me wonder: are situationships really a part of modern dating, or are they more of a college culture phenomenon? One of the first things that shocked me, which might sound funny, is how normal it is for guys here to approach you in public and ask for your number. At first, this felt like a foreign concept. Back home, asking for a number right away can almost feel too serious, like it implies a level of intention that people are trying to avoid. In France, it feels more direct and honest.

There’s something about the small difference that says a lot about the overall dating culture. In Boulder, interactions can feel more filtered through screens, especially on apps like Tinder or Snapchat. Conversations start online, plans are tentative, and everything has an understanding that nothing is too serious. In France, this approach feels more face-to-face, more intentional, and, in some ways, more traditional. When someone walks up to you and asks for your number and to take you out, it feels like they’re actually taking a chance instead of hiding behind a disappearing message or snap. 

Being here has made me wonder why the approach feels so different. A big part of it, at least from what I’ve experienced, is how straightforward men here tend to be about their intentions. There’s a certain intensity to the way they flirt and communicate. It’s not uncommon for someone to tell you how beautiful you are, ask you out to dinner or drinks, and they actually mean a real date — not just a late-night hangout with no plan. Back in Boulder, it feels like everyone is trying to play it cool. No one wants to come off too strong, no one wants to be the one who cares more, and so everything stays in that “safe,” undefined zone. Conversations are kept casual, plans are last-minute, and commitment is something people tiptoe around. It can feel like the dating scene is full of boys who want all the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility of actually being in one. 

The energy here feels different. There’s directness and more intention behind the words, and guys here don’t seem afraid to show interest or take the lead. Small things like holding doors open, insisting on walking you home, planning dates on top of dates instead of simply asking you to “hang” feels more old-school, a little more gentlemanly, and, honestly, way more refreshing. That still doesn’t mean that everything here is perfect or straight out of a romance movie. Dating abroad still comes with its own confusion, cultural misunderstanding, and, of course, the language barrier. But the overall attitude seems less centered around avoiding commitment and more focused on genuine connection and relationships. There’s not as much of a “let’s just see what happens” and more of a “I like you, so let’s spend time together” mindset. 

Being exposed to this different approach has made me reflect on how normalized situationships are back home, and how much I despise it. Maybe they aren’t just a universal part of modern dating, but a product of certain environments, especially in college where everyone is busy, social, and afraid of getting too serious too fast. 

Studying abroad has shown me that dating doesn’t have to be built on ambiguity. Sometimes, it can be simple, direct, and intentional, and that small shift in attitude can change everything. And maybe the real culture shock has been realizing the bare minimum back home isn’t even the minimum here. When you’ve experienced guys who are direct, intentional, and a little bit old-school, it gets harder to romanticize the “we hang out, but we’re not dating” norm. 

So when I go back to Boulder, I know I will have a different perspective and expectation for dating, less tolerance for situationships. Once you’ve gotten a taste of how men should be acting, treating, and approaching you, instead of asking for your “snap,” it’s hard to go back to the little boys’ version of romance, or whatever they think that is. 

• dating
• love