Talking about sex with your parents might seem a bit strange but there’s no one better to have that conversation with than the very people who made you!
The dinner table: a place where families of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds come together to eat their meals and talk about the events of that day. Or in my case, a place where the mysteries and complexities of sex (among other things) are discussed.
Talk of hooking up started around my eighth grade year since most of the girls had used the summer before to grow boobs (my chest didn’t get the memo, though). When my friends began talking about sex or “fooling around” it was as though they were speaking a completely different language – handjobs, blowjobs, fingering -I had no clue what any of it meant! Asking my friends was completely out of the question as I already had a reputation for being an “innocent-goody-two-shoes,” so instead, sex became a regular topic of conversation at my dinner table.
My family is very open with each other, so talking about sex never seemed that weird, but I soon realized this was not a normal activity for most parents and kids, and many parents don’t feel comfortable going into detail about certain intimate acts. It made sense, though, to ask the very people who birthed me rather than my fellow tween peers who thought forcefully squeezing a girl’s boobs was adequate foreplay.
Sex education in high school wasn’t much better, as it was abstinence-based. The class consisted of watching old educational videos of students from the ‘90s promoting the idea that waiting until marriage is the only logical option. These old-fashioned videos were eerily akin to something an organization might use to brainwash kids in the movies. And, of course, we can’t forget about the lovely make-shift box placed at the front of the classroom where students could write questions anonymously, and the teacher would proceed to read and answer them aloud. It took almost no time to realize that discussing sex in the confines of my home was easier, more informative, and provided less of a chance for embarrassment.
Sex education is so important and various aspects of it are often overlooked. In 2011 to 2013, only 50% of females and 59% of males reported having received formal instruction about how to use a condom. Around 57% of females and 57% of males received formal instruction about contraception before they first had sex. I was lucky enough to have a family that allowed for the discussion of things normally deemed inappropriate. I was never ridiculed for being curious even during a time in my life when sex wasn’t even remotely on my radar. Sometimes it still comes up during our meals, and my parents are the ones asking my sisters and I what certain words mean because the “sex lingo” is so different now. Regardless of where or when sex is talked about, it should never be an uncomfortable topic especially with family. And while my family couldn’t give me answers to everything (I had to figure out some things for myself), I am genuinely grateful for my family allowing me to be so open and curious.