I have struggled with myself for as long as I can remember. I have always been consumed in being perfect, but despite that, everything about me bothered me. I was flooded with insecurities. My weight, height, the way my toes were shaped, the pitch of my voice, and the way it lies at an interval that is slightly too high to be tolerable but not high enough to be cute, to name a few.
Physical insecurities weren’t even the beginning of it. I often thought about what I said and should’ve, apologized after everything, and constantly questioned if I was being too annoying. There was never a moment where I wasn’t thinking about how I was never enough for myself and thought that was the case with everyone else as well.
Many things contributed to my never-ending battle against myself. The internet, some “so-called” friends, beauty standards, but the biggest culprit was me. I was so focused on every single thing I hated about myself that I never once focused on the things I didn’t.
Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy. You cannot wake up and decide you will now be confident. Well, you can, and I did, but I wasn’t magically all into myself overnight. It was hard.
You have to start with the little things. I started by looking at myself in the mirror and complimenting myself three times (it sounds so weird, but I promise you this worked wonders). At first, it was so hard to find things to compliment, I would say things like “nice shirt,” or “I like the way you woke up on time today.” For me, however, these were huge things because I would’ve otherwise doubted them.
With time, I learned to notice things I did like about myself. My hair, my smile, and eventually, I stopped being ever consumed in things I feared about myself. Now, staring at yourself is not the only way to grow your confidence. It took more, and it takes confidence to become confident. I forced myself to try new things, go out of my comfort zone, and every time I found myself saying “I’m too *insert your desired negative adjective here* for this, or that” I made myself try it. Because I liked it, and I deserved it. Changing my mindset to that last phrase eventually changed my image of myself.
I deserve it. No, not to cry in the bathroom because I hate the way my jeans tug my stomach or the way this shirt didn’t fit me the way it fits my “skinnier” friends. I deserve to be happy, to love myself, to wear what I want, eat what I want, do what I want. Why? Because I’m human and I was made to be me. Nobody can take that from me, and nobody can take the beautiful and unique version of you from yourself.
Changing your mindset seems like such a crappy way to learn to love yourself. It sounds redundant, and every time I thought about it being the solution, my mind would automatically go “are you kidding me? If that would work, I’d do that.” My only regret is wishing I would’ve tried it sooner because eventually, complimenting myself, and focusing on my mindset allowed me to learn to truly love myself.
The mind is a powerful thing. I learned to love my body, and the height I stood at. My insecurities eventually became things I cherished about myself, and the pitch of my voice makes me happy because it shows I’m learning to express myself.
Me telling you to be confident may just sound like a sentence that enters your brain and immediately exits, but I promise you, you deserve to learn to love yourself. You are so much stronger and powerful than you think, and you deserve to live your life in a way that you are happy with yourself and all of the beauty you hold.