Ask any college student about dating apps, and you’re likely to receive a variety of responses. Some people think they’re just used for hookup culture, while others believe in the possibility of long-term success. I thought an app like Hinge was more conducive to finding a long-term relationship than something like Tinder. After all, it prompts people to get to know potential matches better and start a conversation based on their profile.
Unfortunately, most of my experiences on the app did not meet this expectation. I’ve been on a few dates, some at home over break, but mostly here in Boulder. For the people who could hold a conversation long enough to actually get off the app and plan an in-person meetup (which was rare), there was such a lack of chemistry. It was like we could have been on an episode of Seinfeld. I went on a double date this summer with a student at Brigham Young University and his friend — with whom he sold pest control — and it was pretty wholesome. My best friend and I drove them to In-N-Out and showed them around since there wasn’t much else to do in our sleepy little town besides hit the bars, which were unavailable to all of us. I tried to go into these experiences with low expectations, figuring that even if I wasn’t romantically interested, I could at least make a new friend.Â
I deleted and reinstalled the app at least three times before locking in and trying to meet someone on campus. Last month, I realized by the second date that I was just not attracted to the guy I was hanging out with. Unfortunately, he liked me. A lot. He asked to hang out almost every day, and I knew I couldn’t just keep saying I was busy. I knew nothing was going to come of this relationship. So, as someone who has been ghosted and refuses to ever subject someone to that, I sent him a very cordial text, just being honest about how I didn’t see a future with him. This guy was one of the good ones, a “long-term” intentioned, mountain-loving boy who showed me his mad guitar skills, but I felt nothing. I didn’t want to lead him on any longer, so I just shut it down. It was the day before he wanted to take me out with his friends for his birthday, which I felt slightly sorry about. The timing was not in my favor.Â
After pausing and unpausing my profile more times than I could count, I decided to text one guy back. We had been messaging periodically through the app for a few weeks on and off, and I decided to just be straight up: I’m terrible about checking Hinge because it overwhelms me. The algorithms are very different for girls and guys. I was getting about 25 likes a week, which is standard for most straight, female-identifying users, whereas guys are lucky to get two or three.Â
I don’t know if it was his sunset picture with his guitar (I might have a type) or the picture of him cheesing dressed like a garden gnome on Halloween that got me, but I sent this guy my number, desperately trying to get off Hinge with its overwhelming notification system. We started with small talk, and while he was sweet and funny, I was still wary. We set up a date for that Friday.
I did end up going over to his house the first time I met him, only because my gut was telling me that, for whatever reason, I could trust this guy. I got off work around 8:30 pm, and my coworker drove me over there, needing no details besides that I was going to a friend’s house. Because of the current state of the world, this was extremely stupid, and I would not recommend that anyone do this. I told a few of my friends what I was planning on doing, and that I would be home somewhat early because I was skiing the next morning.Â
I was lucky, and my guy turned out to be normal. We talked and took turns playing guitar for about three hours in his room, which was adorned with Jimi Hendrix and anime posters. It was sweet, and I thank my lucky stars that this objectively dumb move didn’t get me killed. I got a kiss before my Uber arrived to take me back to my dorm, and we’ve been on four or five dates since.Â
Maybe this guy was an anomaly on dating apps, but I think it’s important to remember that it’s not just all “Hinge Cringe” and horror stories. Whether or not you had a Valentine this year, someone is out there for you. Keep your mind and heart open and stay safe out there!