Long Distance Relationships: My Experience & Some General Tips On How You Can Make It Work

In a culture that revolves around casual sex and the infamous ‘situationship,’ I feel very fortunate to have found a successful, long term relationship of my own. However, this past summer, before leaving for college, I was faced with a dilemma of a decision: Ending my relationship, or facing the seemingly monstrous challenge that is long distance. 

For backstory, my partner and I have been together for two years now. We met and ‘dated’ in middle school, but didn’t officially come together until my junior year (his sophomore year) of high school, after reconnecting through shared classes. Throughout our relationship in high school — though we were both incredibly involved in our respective friendships and extracurriculars — we were very much the ‘together’ couple, spending every second we could with one another. We became one another’s best friend and biggest fan. When I hit my senior year, the question of, “What are you and your boyfriend going to do when you go off to college?” was asked more and more. At the time, I was dead-set on college in the coastal south, seventeen hours away from my rural Colorado hometown — where my partner would be left behind for his senior year of high school. The more the question was asked, the harder the decision became. What was I going to do? 

Thankfully, life worked in its usual ways and I ended up staying in-state for college. After long talks — often filled with tears — about the future, what we wanted, and if it could work, we chose to try long distance. At first it was hard, getting used to our lives without seeing each other almost every day, missing milestones of his senior year and life back home — all the while I was living an entirely new life without him in it. We had to navigate the small insecurities of being apart, and figure out ways to make the time feel shorter. We are now six months in, and now that we’ve had a semester’s worth of experience, we’re really starting to find a groove that works for us. Though every relationship is different, if you find yourself in the same boat I did choosing to try long distance and are asking yourself, “How do I make this work?”, here are a few general tips that have made it easier for my partner and I. 

1. Countdowns (If you’re able to do so)

Though it wasn’t the original plan, staying in-state for college definitely makes the distance seem that much smaller. My partner and I found that if we always have a date planned to visit each other, the countdown gives us each something to look forward to. We also make it a point to plan future visits when we do get to see one another, making sure that there’s a constant countdown going, and that there’s never the question of when we’re seeing each other next. If you have the privilege of being able to do this, my partner and I have found it to be our biggest tool. 

2.   Calling often. 

Another thing that has made it easier for me and my partner  is calling as often as we can. Though we’re both busy with our respective academics and extracurriculars, we make it a point to call/facetime as often as we can — even if it’s just to sit in silence and do homework — and have found that it makes us feel a bit more present with one another than just texting. It also helps us with effective communication — something that is so incredibly important when maintaining a long distance relationship.

3. Reminders of one another 

As we’re both moving through different stages of our lives, we’ve found that having small reminders of one another in our lives helps us feel closer to each other. Examples of this include him taking his favorite of my Squishmallows and my perfume, and me taking one of his t-shirts to sleep in, along with a roller of his cologne. Framing pictures, saving cards, preserving memories — these are all things that have made us feel that much closer to one another, even though we’re three hours apart. 

Though these are all very general, these are a few tips that we have in our long distance toolbox. Long distance definitely isn’t easy, but each and every day I am reminded of how much I love my partner, and why it’s worth it. And on the days where these things don’t help, I remind myself that I am so incredibly lucky to love someone so much that it makes saying goodbye so hard. Every relationship is different, so these three tips can’t be guaranteed to work for everyone. But, to those reading that are looking for tools to make long distance work, these — along with immeasurable amounts of love, gratitude, and commitment — are some basic things that worked for us.

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