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So, you want to give them a memorable blowjob, huh? Well, there’s no reason for the grapefruit technique with these instructions. 

Maybe it’s a special occasion for you and your partner, maybe you want them to remember you forever, maybe this is your first time, or maybe you’re trying to make that hookup into something more. Regardless of your reasons, you will have them stunned with all you learned the next time it’s time to get down.

Consent 

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All of these acts are to perform with enthusiastic consent and a willing partner. Looking for the word “yes” is not only necessary, but can be extremely sexy with a little dirty talk added in. Ask your partner how bad they want your mouth on their cock, or if they think they even deserve to be pleasured. Have they earned this treat?

Along with that, do this because you want to make your partner feel good or because you enjoy it. Reciprocity is always nice but not to be expected, and sometimes it’s fun to just make your partner feel good and make it all about them. Everyone deserves to be pampered!

Confidence 

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The biggest tip that I can give to you is to be confident. Obviously this person likes you, or at least they like the way you look enough for you to be put into this position.

Think about times someone may have been pleasuring you, if you have had that experience, and how much it adds when someone seems confident about what they’re doing to you. On the other hand, if someone seems meek and unsure, it’s a bit distracting and not as much of an immersive experience as it could be. 

Get into a headspace of being the sexiest person alive and the one and only object of this person’s desire. Anything and everything (with consent) that you do will be hot to them.

Only do what you’re comfortable with

Before we begin, please only do what you’re comfortable with. Some of these things may not be your cup of tea, and even if your partner is into them, you still don’t have to do them. Feeling pressure during any sexual act can be extremely uncomfortable, and your partner should always respect your boundaries. For sexual assault resources, go here.

STI/STD disclaimer

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Okay, okay– last disclaimer! Any unprotected sex that occurs, including oral sex, can possibly transmit STI’s and STD’s. To reduce this risk, you and your partner can get tested, wear a condom, or talk about your other and/or recent partners. For STI/STD resources and information, go here

Time to set the scene. You are treating your partner to an exclusive event that they will be thinking about for months to come. I’m talking about dimmed lights, candles burning, maybe even a blindfold (I highly recommend) if you’re feeling kinky.

Lube

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If you have a dry mouth when it comes time to perform these acts, whether it be from nerves, certain smokables, or just a dryer dinner, there is no need to fret! Almost any lube can be used for oral (make sure to check in case!), but the most versatile is water-based lube. It is also the most commonly flavored and the easiest to find – win-win! Pick some up and put it in an easy-to-access point before the activities cum-mence. Better to have and not need than to need and not have.

Eye contact

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Personally, this is the scariest part for me, especially with a new partner. You don’t want them to not be into it, and it can be a more intimate addition. These fears are entirely baseless in my experience. No one has ever disliked eye contact while I’ve been performing, and at worst they just didn’t see it. In fact, I have heard from many (both partners and friends) that eye contact is what can change a blowjob from good to great

Practice Makes Perfect

If this is your first time at all or just with this partner, take it slow and make this sexy. Don’t be scared you’re taking things too slow, you’re more likely to rush into it and go right for the shaft. Practice on a cucumber, banana or dildo to gain confidence. You can even make it a sexy event and ask your partner to teach you or show you what they like. This will create a fun power dynamic sure to spice up the evening. 

Surrounding area

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Before you even touch their penis, teasing and touching around it can be extremely arousing. Use this time to build your confidence and touch, scratch, lick, kiss or suck on their stomach, thighs, hips, chest, neck, butt or anywhere else you think they’d enjoy! This is the foreplay moment. While people with penises tend not to need it as much as people with vulvas, that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun! 

Make them so excited for what is about to come. And who knows, you may even be lucky enough to hear them beg for it. 

The Shaft

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Ah, the shaft! The largest part of the penis, yet the least talked about. The shaft isn’t quite as sensitive as the balls or the head, but that doesn’t mean it’s to be ignored. There are so many things to do with the shaft, like:

  • Jerk it off while looking at it
  • Lick it up and down like a popsicle on a hot summer day
  • Take it into your mouth and swirl your tongue around the circumference of it
  • Take it into your mouth and suck your cheeks in to give a tight feeling
  • Spit on it to add lube and jerk it with your hand
  • Experiment with different pressures from your lips, cheeks and hand
  • Kiss it up and down
  • Make an OK sign with your pointer and thumb around the base and pull your hand towards the top
  • Lick your hand from heel to fingers and then wrap it around the shaft while making eye contact
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Depending on size, you may have a hard time getting their whole shaft into your mouth, but if they’re on the larger side, using your hand in front of your mouth is a foolproof way to avoid having to take too much in your mouth. This can be a good option if you aren’t a fan of that or have a sensitive gag reflex. 

When it’s time for a little jaw break, the hand position that I have found most effective is as follows:

  1. Stick your left arm out in front of you, palm side out to the left.
  2. Bend your elbow to bring your hand about 6 inches from your chest (thumb should be down).
  3. Wrap your hand like you would around a penis, you can use a banana or cucumber for practice!
  4. From there, stroke the penis up and down, running your fingers over the head and back down towards the base.

Stroking the shaft up and down in this way allows for pressure from all the fingers along the shaft the entire time, as well as multiple fingers running along the ridge between the shaft and the head. This position works best if they are on the bed or standing and you are below them. Not the best for 69ing due to lack of space and awkward leg arrangements.

If you’re worried about them feeling your teeth, there are a few things to remember. First, if they feel teeth a little by accident, no big deal, just adjust and wrap your lips around your teeth like you’re making fun of your grandma and continue. Second, mistakes happen and it’s NBD.

I tend to use the grandma trick all of the time. It’s much easier than keeping your mouth wide open and can leave your jaw less sore, too. 

The Tip

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Here’s a tip for the tip: think of it like your clitoris. While not quite as sensitive as that anatomy, it is where most of the nerves are concentrated. You don’t want to focus only on that area or be too rough, and you definitely don’t want to attack this area without lubrication (spit or artificial lube!).

The tip is your money shot. It is what will likely get you and your partner to the goal of this whole ordeal: an orgasm. 

The tip is a very easy and fun spot to experiment with your tongue. You can play around with it without going too deep into your mouth and try different patterns out. A classic is to take your tongue and go around the circumference of the head or flick the ridge at the top of the penis that leads to the urethra. You also can really go for the literal sense of sucking dick and suck the head. Another one that I haven’t tried yet but that you see in porn all the time is taking the penis and “popping” it out through your cheek. Like you have the penis in your mouth and you move it to the side (with an open mouth so no teeth in the way) and then it runs along your cheek until “popping” out. 

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You can even combine these to suck the head and do some tongue play at the same time or switch between them and listen for your partner’s reactions to see which they enjoy more. 

Last little tip for this is to moan or hum while sucking the tip, or while working more of the dick. Not only is this hot for your partner to see you enjoying pleasuring them, but it will create little vibrations around the penis that will feel amazing. Think of it just like a vibrator that people with vulvas often enjoy. A little extra stimulation never hurt anyone!

The Balls

“Just be very gentle. If you want to be rough, play with the skin and not the actual testicles”

– My partner

“Just be very gentle. If you want to be rough, play with the skin and not the actual testicles.” – my (male) partner.

The balls used to intimidate the hell out of me. I never knew what to do with them, how much pressure to use, how to touch them, if I should squeeze them or pull them or do a bunch of other things I’d heard about. 

For beginners, just start simple. Go for a palming of the balls or a light massage while warming up or during oral. Listen for reactions and see what they have to say after the fact. Feedback is your best friend here because balls tend to be like nipples: some are extremely sensitive, some can be pulled hard without pain, and some don’t like ‘em touched much at all. 

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If you’ve dabbled in the ball area before and are looking for some ways to make it extra special, try jerking off the penis with your hand and taking one “ball” at a time in your mouth. Remember that the scrotum is one organ but there are two testes inside of it. Suck, lick and play with that one ball in your mouth and “pop” it out to move onto the other ball.

Depending on the size of their balls, your mouth and how cold they are, sometimes you can even get both testes in your mouth at once for a showstopper ball event. 

The Foreskin

My boyfriend is Jewish, so I don’t currently have to deal with foreskin, but from what I’ve gathered it seems like either the foreskin will pull back naturally when erect or you may have to pull it back a bit to get to the head of the penis. 

Some accounts say that if the penis is fully erect and the foreskin is still covering it, oftentimes the head beneath that foreskin is usually too sensitive to be touched directly and may be too intense. If you’re feeling unsure or uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to ask your partner what they like or ask them to demonstrate the first time. 

You can even use the foreskin to your advantage if it is still visible once erect and move the skin off and on the head to create a similar feeling as using your fingers over the head. 

Secret Door, The Back Door

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Maybe you didn’t expect this section in an article about blowjobs! But men have a little secret hidden in their anuses that gives them such pleasure. If you and your partner are feeling adventurous enough to go down this road, here’s what you need to know:

  1. Lube is your friend if you plan on going into the anus (if you need to understand how important it is, try sticking a dry finger into your own anus.)
  2. This will be very intimate for both of you, as it may be a role reversal that you aren’t used to yet.
  3. They may feel embarrassed because of how men are socialized and what they are supposed to enjoy, so be ready to offer extra post-coital support.
  4. Cater to your comfort level! If you feel better about doing this with gloves on, then talk to your partner and do it with gloves on. If they would like to do this in the dark, do it in the dark. Make this work for you if you’re interested.

You also don’t have to do anything! You can just play with their butt and the exterior of their anus to ease into this. 

If you’ve chatted with your partner about this, there is an easy way to incorporate it into oral sex that will be so exciting. While you’re delivering the blowjob, begin to play with the balls like normal. After a bit, start to slide one finger (with a clean, cut, non-sharp nail) towards their backside. Move between the cheeks and arrive at the anus. From here, it is easy to just rub the outside and play with the butt, or to move deeper into them and allow a new sexual experience. 

The Rundown on Cum

“I don’t give a shit. I wouldn’t want to swallow my cum. But I mean, if she wants to, it’s hot”

– My partner

“I don’t give a shit. I wouldn’t want to swallow my cum. But I mean, if she wants to, it’s hot.” – my partner.

I’ll say it. I hate swallowing. Unless the person eats really well and has orgasmed recently, it’s likely not going to be much fun. I’m really glad that my partner doesn’t care much, and it has alleviated some of the social pressure I felt around swallowing.

I swallowed for a long time just because I thought that was what everyone did, and that was the norm, instead of the other way around. Bottom line is if you don’t want to, don’t.

The good news is that where they orgasm can still be hot, even if it isn’t into your stomach. 

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They could:

  • Orgasm into your mouth and you don’t swallow, a.k.a spitting
  • Orgasm into your hand
  • Orgasm onto your face (close your eyes!)
  • Orgasm onto your chest
  • Orgasm onto your stomach or back
  • Orgasm onto their own stomach depending on the lying position (move their shirt if they’re still wearing one!)
  • Orgasm into a tissue or towel

Some are sexier than others, but all get the job done! If you’re unsure about what to do, your hand or their stomach are both safe bets.

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If you wanna prolong their orgasm, avoid touching the head. This can be a sexy dance you play where they don’t get to orgasm right when they want to, you get to decide when they orgasm. I like to prolong their orgasm and touch the head occasionally once they are close until they ask me not to stop while touching the head or to make them cum. 

While they are orgasming, this is the last chance you have to say something sexy they won’t forget:

  • You look so hot/sexy/amazing while you cum.”
  • I love making you cum.”
  • I love watching you cum.”
  • That’s so hot.”
  • I love making you feel good.”
  • That’s right, cum for me.” 
  • Perfect, just like that.”

You can even add baby/sexy/lover to any of these to make it more intimate. 

Tying It All Together

Wow, that was a lot of information. You may be overwhelmed and not sure how to implement all this. To save you from those fears, here is a step-by-step overall guide to a blowjob.

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  1. You set the scene. 
  2. (Now or later) You or your partner removes their clothes (at least pants down but ideally shirt off and pants off).
  3. You kiss them on the mouth, they have no idea what’s coming.
  4. You kiss them down their chest, stopping to suck, lick or lightly bite them.
  5. You arrive at their hips. If you didn’t take off their pants earlier, take them off now. 
  6. You kiss, suck, lick, etc. their hips, thighs and/or butt.
  7. You kiss their penis and begin to stroke it lightly with your hand.
  8. You drop some spit or lube onto their penis and continue stroking it. You could lick it or kiss it now if you want.
  9. You put the penis into your mouth and start off with some head and shaft action, nothing crazy yet.
  10. As they begin to moan, you go for some of the shaft and head tips above.
  11. You move towards the balls while still sucking the penis.
  12. You massage the balls and listen for feedback.
  13. You go for the backdoor if you want.
  14. You continue with the shaft, balls, and head, focusing on the head as you want them to come closer to orgasm.
  15. They either begin to moan more or say that they’re close.
  16. They orgasm!
  17. Clean up, comfort, debrief, and cuddles!

Every person’s anatomy and preferences are different, so one person’s favorite thing may be disliked by another.

Ask your partner for feedback in a hot way in the moment:

  • Yeah, you like that?”
  • Is this what you asked for?”
  • Mm, tell me how this feels.”
  • How does it feel when I ________?”

Or, after the fact:

  • Hey, when I was doing ____, did you like that?”
  • Is there anything specifically that you really enjoy about when I give you head?”
  • What’s your favorite part of when I give you head?”
  • Is there anything I could change about my blowjobs to make them better for you?”

On another note, don’t be afraid to take a break for your jaw, to get water or just to slow down for a bit. You want to make your partner feel good, but your comfort matters, too.

For all your lube, sex toy, and other sexual (material!) needs, check out Shagg Box to support local and get what you need at the same time here

And with all that, good luck to you! You have an amazing jumping-off point if you’re new to oral, and hopefully, some new tips and tricks to spice up your current routine. Thank me later.

Content written by various anonymous CU Boulder writers
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