Everyone can think of a time in their life when they worked hard to achieve something and still thought they didn’t do enough. Although it is typical to hold yourself to a higher standard at times, it only becomes worse when it happens continuously.
For me, it started around my junior year of high school. The mere sight of the brick school building made me feel as if I had something to prove. My first indicator was when I joined my high school yearbook staff. I found myself taking on extra work to make it seem like I could handle any number of tasks and still execute them flawlessly. But on the inside, I could feel my mind pleading with me to take a break and relax, but I refused and saw taking a break as a sign of weakness.
As the year went on, I could tell that I was piling things on myself and becoming annoyed whenever the outcome did not go the way I expected. Everything had to be executed perfectly, with no exceptions. My life seemed to become a constant race against my peers that I had to win. I realized there was a problem when it all began to take a toll on my mental health, sleep, and connections with those closest to me.
Following my sobering realization, the very first thing I had to do was identify why I was so tough on myself. Naturally, I ran through a checklist in my mind; it’s not just societal pressure, my teachers aren’t forcing me to do anything outlandish, so what could it be?
Once I eliminated the other factors, it didn’t take long to realize that this was purely an internal battle between my abilities and my expectations. I wanted to graduate with a perfect 4.0 GPA, but I could only juggle so much at once. I wanted to achieve my body goals in six months, but I had to make sure I was still able to prioritize the many aspects of my life. I was, and still am, the type to want it all, and want it now. But there has to be a balance. You can want things to happen quickly, just the way you planned, but you have to be patient with yourself and the universe. Good things often take time.
Eventually, I realized that the best way to foster the balance I desperately needed was to start cutting myself some slack. I primarily did this by assigning myself tasks to do each day. This led to me sitting in front of my laptop, planning my weeks on a spreadsheet so I could handle everything that was going on. And if for some reason I couldn’t get to them all, I would simply move what remained to another day. I taught myself to understand that not having time isn’t a bad thing. There is only so much someone can handle at once, and that’s okay.
As soon as I got my tasks in order and had a system, I realized I still didn’t feel better. It still felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I would see what my peers were accomplishing at every turn and become saddened by the fact that they all seemed to be leaps and bounds ahead of me. I was afraid of coming in last place in this fictional race happening in my mind.
It became clear that I was factoring in what everyone else was doing and comparing myself to my peers. To combat that, I had to recognize that everyone has their own goals and I have mine. As long as I can focus on them and do my best, I’ve done a good job.
Now, anytime I feel myself slipping back into old habits, I tell myself that I’m my own competition, and life’s not a race.
I hope my experience can help you remove some weight from your shoulders, no matter what the situation may be.