I got to college four months ago, and it feels like it’s been ten years. College completely flipped my life upside down. I didn’t have my friends, I didn’t have my family, I had a new roommate, and literally every aspect of my life changed. Everyone told me things would be different when I got here, but I didn’t truly believe them. I know it hasn’t been long, but I’ve already changed so much as a person, and I want to talk about it because while the process hasn’t been pretty, I have no regrets.
Part 1: The Shitshow
When I first got to college, I came in with so many ideas of what it would be like. When you tell someone you’re headed off to college, they always chip in with their experience which inevitably creates expectations. My parents didn’t love college, but I have family friends who constantly referred to it as “The best time of your life!” The thing that no one tells you: you don’t start at the best part. I had just finished unpacking, my dorm was all set up and cute, my family was gone, and I sat on my bed with excitement. That’s when I realized I was completely alone. I didn’t have anyone to talk to, hang out with, hug, or just be around. It was very lonely at first. I really struggled to not have my support system just a minute away. All of my expectations came crashing down as I realized I had no friends yet and would have to go out and make them. Not to mention college is also school, and school is a grind.
I had a typical “Welcome Week friend group” that I hung out with the whole first week and haven’t really seen since. It’s not because I don’t like them, I think they’re amazing people, I just don’t have a single class with them and our schedules don’t align. Luckily, I ended up finding friends that stuck, who I end up seeing every day now. I also joined clubs and Phi Rho, a women in STEM sorority. The biggest constant in all of this is that I was uncomfortable a LOT. I had to meet so many different people, and I didn’t have a previous friend to go with. Everything was new, and I was constantly in situations alone where I would have to actually talk to people. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I could never do that before. It’s just that I had to do it every single day now, with almost every interaction. And let me tell you, I got tired pretty fast of the same five questions you ask everyone before you run out of topics.
It was so uncomfortable, and looking back I cringe a little bit at my interactions. At the same time, I’ve noticed that now walking into a room alone having to talk to completely new people doesn’t scare me at all. I’m so much more comfortable with myself, I have more confidence and I’ve learned that not every interaction is going to be detrimental if it goes wrong. You meet people, maybe they’ll stick, maybe they won’t, but it’s nice to go around campus and know that I can talk to a lot of different people without worry.
Part 2: Academic Victim
Don’t judge me too much, but when I thought of college I was mostly focused on the social aspect and kind of disregarded the academic part. I went in thinking, “it’s only the first semester, how hard can it be?” Famous last words — that girl was delusional and I don’t know where she got that idea. Sure it wasn’t horrible at the beginning, but it just got harder and harder and I wasn’t putting any extra effort in. I was so in my head about the social aspect that I started to mentally distance myself from school. I was drowning in assignments, tests, and social obligations. It was a great trajectory to burnout, and that’s exactly what happened.
I reached what was clearly a make or break point. Either I could continue to push myself past my limits socially and academically and suffer, or I could recognize that I’ve taken on too much and I need to re-evaluate. I chose the second one, thank goodness. I remembered (which is so easy to forget) that I’m here for school and I needed to manage my time better. I stopped saying yes to everything, dropped a couple clubs, and fixed my sleep schedule. Everything is about balance, and I didn’t completely focus on school while discarding everything else, but I fixed my obligations to find a better middle point. I still go out with friends and belong to a couple of clubs (shout out HCCU), but I’m careful not to overdo it. I’m still human and make mistakes or overcommit sometimes, but not nearly as much as I did at the start of the semester.
I didn’t get to CU long ago, this is only my first semester and I have a long way to go, but I feel like I’ve changed a lot already for the better. I’m learning more about myself, and meeting amazing people along the way. I’m excited to see what the future holds for me, and I truly believe that college is a great way to discover yourself.