The male-identifying species is one shrouded in mystery, confusion, and, let’s be real, frustration. For a lot of women, their decisions are often questionable, their actions incomprehensible, and their dialogue unintelligible.
That being said, if you’re anything like me, you love ‘em (or love to hate ‘em, at least). Far be it from me to enforce gender stereotypes and roles, especially for a gender I personally don’t identify with.
However, it is true that there sometimes is some…miscommunication between genders, to say the least. I’m sure that as much as female-identifying people are flabbergasted by the inner workings of the male brain, the same could be said for male-identifying people and the female brain.
Lucky for you, dear Her Campus reader, I’m here to clear the air on some of the most *personal* inquiries women have for men. I’ve gathered some questions from Her Campus CU Boulder’s writers to ask some experts on the male psyche.
My long-term boyfriend (who will be labeled as BF) was kind enough to answer HCCU’s questions and try to give a perspective from some of his single friends, for us and women everywhere.
I can personally attest to the high moral quality of the men who participated in this interview, so be aware that these answers represent the best of the best. However, they do give us some insight into some of our raunchiest, most personal questions for men.
Please note that these questions are mostly surrounding heterosexual relationships. This most definitely shouldn’t be accepted as the “norm,” but simply is the result of the questions asked and the sexual orientation of the men interviewed.
HCCU: Thank you so much for being here today! Okay, first question. What do you think is a “red flag” in a woman or in a relationship? What are some “green flags”?
BF: “Hm, I don’t know. I think if the person is not kind, if somebody doesn’t give you attention or treat you as if they’re a significant other, but they just treat you as another, that’s a red flag.
If somebody doesn’t show much of an interest in me or express care, that’s a red flag.
I think if you’re also hanging out with another guy, maybe a guy best friend, it’s just…Do you know in “New Girl,” like how Nick Miller was doing “boyfriend things” for Jessica Day when they weren’t together? That kind of stuff, I should be doing that if I want to be with you.”
“For green flags, I don’t know; we’re simple creatures. The woman is a complex masterpiece and we are simple creatures with tiny brains. But we have feelings too.
My friends think green flags [are things like] being intelligent and willing to discuss complex or difficult topics, that’s one for sure.”
HCCU: Thanks! Next question…what do you think about periods? Like, do they gross you out, or your friends out, or do you not tend to think about them at all?
BF: Um, I don’t know. I think that all men sort of don’t understand periods, obviously because we’ve never had to go through it. Of course, I’m for making tampons and other period devices free. I guess you could say I don’t know a lot about them but I’m fearful of them. They’re mysterious. It’s up to us men to learn more though.
It’s not up to us to decide how to feel about it, but it’s just unfortunate that women have it and have to go through it.
HCCU: Is the phrase “if he wanted to, he would” a true phrase? How clear do you think men usually are with their intentions if they like a woman?
BF: You know, it’s hard because a lot of the time it’s up to men to make a move and obviously that’s a small burden compared to what women have to deal with, but it’s a nerve-wracking thing when you know you’re the one who has to initiate things. It gets a little tricky and nerve-wracking with that. At the end of the day, it’s a true statement, but they’re also probably wanting to do more and are scared of the situation being misread.
For my single friends, the “if he wanted to, he would” thing mainly applies to relationships, and in the time before that, and it is hard to have that added expectation or pressure to do things. Especially when it’s already hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable.
HCCU: Do you think of women as noticeable only if they are “classically” beautiful? What stands out most to guys when they notice a woman on campus, at a party, etc?
BF: I mean like, no. I don’t think that a woman needs to be “classically beautiful” or fit every single societal standard to be viewed as beautiful by any man. Women, I would assume, aren’t all into the idealized six-pack man and a nice-ass jawline and big muscles and a young Brad Pitt face, although Brad Pitt is fine as hell. But like, it’s the same for men.
I don’t know, faces stand out. Eyes too. A cool personality. Someone doesn’t necessarily have to meet your interests.
HCCU: How would you respond if the woman you’re seeing told you she’s a virgin?
BF: That’s cool. I don’t think that’s a big deal. It might be a big deal for men who are super sexually experienced and are expecting skill to be reciprocated, but if they aren’t an asshole and care at all about you it won’t be a big deal at all. If it is the dude should do some self-reflecting.
I know a lot of men have a fear that they aren’t sexually experienced and think it’s too late to do that stuff for the first time, and they’re scared they’re going to mess up. I think the insecurity that comes with virginity goes for both men and women.
My friends also think that’s okay. Virginity doesn’t really matter.
HCCU: When you are in love, how do you know? What do you feel when in love?
BF: Um, I think when you’re willing to put another person’s needs over your own in a healthy way, and when you like see a person’s face and it fills you with joy, that’s like love, you know?
When you’re away from a person and you’re always thinking about them and wanting to be with them, that’s another thing. It’s a collection of things.
Everything I could say would be so cliché. An immediate attraction is just luck. When you can start, you know, really admiring and aspiring to be with and around someone, when they fill every waking thought, that’s more real. You think about them when you wake up, when you go to sleep. I don’t think you consciously make a realization you’re in love. As you get to know somebody, you fall in love with them as a person, rather than surface-level knowledge that would lead to lust.
HCCU: What’s a good one-year anniversary gift?
BF: Something that would reflect how much they mean to you. Cheesy’s okay, I think. Also, talking about a range of prices briefly is probably a good idea. That’ll give you a better idea of where to start looking and you’ll avoid huge price differences in gifts.
HCCU: Do you watch porn that looks like the woman you’re into?
BF: *laughs* I’m not opposed to it. Certainly not. But I don’t know not intentionally, I think a lot of men do though.
Some of my friends think older women’s porn is elite*. They look at the types of women, but not specifically.
*I, the interviewer, am not sure if this means that they are currently interested in an older woman.
HCCU: How much do you care about body hair on a woman?
BF: I really don’t but I think some men do. Men be tripping over that. It’s kinda stupid for a woman to be expected to shave her legs when a man isn’t, I think if you’re in a relationship where you both have that preference that’s up to you, but you shouldn’t feel the need to please a man by shaving if you don’t want to do that.
All of my friends don’t really care. If you have more body care than them**, that’s where they draw the line.
**Please note that the friend who said this is extremely hairy, and this should be taken as a joke.
HCCU: What about you and your body hair? How do you shave your balls? Do you just stretch them out and hope for the best?
BF: Oh my god, it’s literally the hardest thing ever. It’s like, you don’t understand how much skin is down there until you really get down there. It’s a hopeless pursuit, there will always be more hair down there. An electric razor is key.
Guys do gradual check-ins in the shower and stuff. The occasional grooming is needed to take care of “outliers.” It’s fruitless to try and have a hairless ballsack.
HCCU: How detailed do guys go when talking about sex with women?
BF: It depends on the person. I bet everyone knows someone out there spilling all the details, but some are more reserved. [As for the] people I hang out with, it’s not talked about much. I really don’t feel a need to dive into a lot of detail, but also I feel like men are gonna be obnoxious and be like “oh, did you fuck her” and there’s that’s part of it, but my friends and I don’t bring it up much.
It’s basically just like giving an affirmative or negative to the boys on if you had sex. It’s up to the person to elaborate, but it’s uncommon since we are not very open creatures.
HCCU: What is something men like, but are too scared to ask for?
BF: Um, I don’t know. Different men like different things. I can’t speak for everyone. Sometimes, I guess, men are trying to get down and dirty with it and are too scared to ask for it. But that’s a shallow answer.
I think a lot of times, [for] men, this goes back to making a move. Men are scared to ask about the status of a relationship, if it’s exclusive or something like that. A lot of men are scared to ask for an exclusive relationship in case the other person doesn’t want that.
Also head. That’s a daunting thing to ask for. And some flowers. It seems as though it’s up to the men to provide flowers and intimate gifts. You women at Her Campus should start to reverse the gender roles. Go get your men some flowers, some daffodils. He might not know how to take care of them, but he will appreciate it. If a man lets his friends clown him for getting flowers, uh-uh. You gotta leave him.
Some guys do want to 69 and just explore general kinks.
HCCU: How can someone get over their fear of sex?
BF: Men also don’t know what they’re doing so for a lot of people, everyone’s on the same ship. I know it’s scary, but if you’re open about a fear with a man, which is scary, and they react negatively, then you know they’re not right.
Find a nice guy. Start with only what you’re comfortable with.
HCCU: Have you ever/will you ever participate in No Nut November, and if so, was it successful?
BF: Ah yes, the question I’ve dreaded. All men, at some point, will try their hand at NNN. At the end of the day, it’s certainly a difficult task, especially when you have a significant other who goes out of their way to make you fail. I have put my mind to it, but I’ve never really committed to it. So, maybe I’m just not mentally strong enough, but I do know some of my brothers out there have been able to complete it and I salute them for that.
One of my friends was successful once. We low-key try every year. It’s like how society forces New Year’s Resolutions; we’ve got to try it every year. Days 12 and four and a half are the breaking point.
HCCU: Do you really cup water in your balls in the shower?
BF: To be quite honest, I hadn’t until I saw people talking about it. However, you know, I tried it once as a way to make the time go by. It seems like it is a common trope in the discussion of male showers.
Overall, that sh*t’s kind of childish. Seems to me like a fake news trend.
So, there you have it. Do with this information what you will, Her Campus.