As one of the famous “white boys of the month”, Austin Butler, so eloquently said:“embarrassment is an underexplored emotion” and he went on to say to “go and make a fool of yourself… because everything you want is on the other side of that.”
I had never thought about it before but embarrassment is an underexplored emotion. At least it is for me. I have lived my entire life in fear of being judged or doing something that other people thought was “cringe”, but now I realize that that wasn’t living: that was surviving in fear of what other people think.
But here’s the reality: nobody really cares that much about what you are doing. Think about it, do you spend your day thinking about what other people are doing, wearing, saying, etc.? The answer is probably no. So why do you think that other people are thinking about you as much as you are scrutinizing yourself?
Going through life caring so deeply about what other people think of you is an exhausting way to live. Trust me, I have always lived my life like that (I still do). But, over the last few months I’ve realized that not being true to myself or doing what I want to do is just not doing it for me anymore. I’ve dimmed my own light and now it’s time for me to let it shine.
Something that I have always been afraid and embarrassed of doing is going to experiences by myself. I’ve always thought that if I don’t have someone to experience it with me it won’t mean as much, I’ve just been underestimating my own company.
To challenge that silly assumption I have made it a goal of mine to go out and explore new parts of Boulder and Denver I’ve always wanted to explore, but I haven’t because no one could go with me. I always put it off waiting for the opportunity to present itself, but why wait?
For the last few Sunday’s I have gotten up early in the morning to be the first customer at a new coffee shop in Denver that has been sitting in my “places to go” folder on Instagram and just go visit them. Why wait? Alone in these new places I’ve journaled, read, or scrolled through Pinterest and I’m here to tell you – I’ve never been happier.
I always thought that I would be embarrassed going to places by myself because I always thought that people would know I was alone, but news flash – nobody cares as much as I do.
You might be scared of trying out a new hobby or a new workout class because you’re afraid of not being good at it the first time around. But how are you going to get better if you don’t try? You have to start somewhere to get anywhere. It’s always scary to try new things, but even if you don’t like it, at least you tried and that in itself is growth.
I actually think it’s quite cool and chic to be that independent and find your own company sufficient for a great experience. I haven’t had as much fun as I have in the last few months in my entire life because I don’t care what strangers think I’m doing. Their opinions (or my projection of them) don’t hold any weight with me anymore.
This is not all to say that I have the ability to live my life completely carefree because that’s not true. That’s just not who I am. I am a sensitive person who cares very deeply about other people and other people’s thoughts about me, but why am I going to let that dictate my life? I can care about other people, empathize with them, and understand them – but I do not have to let their opinions be my end all be all.
My point here is: do the thing you’re too embarrassed to do. Go to a restaurant alone, wear the item of clothing you’ve had in your closet waiting to be worn, talk to strangers, take pictures of things you find beautiful, talk to your crush (who knows how that could turn out!), dance in public at concerts, listen to obscene music, etc. – whatever it is, just do it!
The only one stopping you is you.
Nobody is going to care as much as you think they will and I think it’s beautiful and courageous being able to sit in embarrassment and discomfort because those emotions make you grow. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to discover more about yourself or do something you’ve always wanted to do because you’re scared of being embarrassed. Embarrassment means you’re human and have the capacity to feel insecure, but it also means you’re alive.