I held so many glorious hopes for you when the clock struck midnight on the eve of your coming. You see, I finally felt like I had reached such a good place in my life when you walked in. I was content―living life to the fullest and investing my time & energy into the things that truly made me happy. I was doing well in school, and most importantly, my mental health was the best it had ever been. [bf_image id="fqrgrfk5h3jrpfpgqmnhsp"]
But then you, alongside your destructive friend, COVID, joined forces and turned against me three months into the year―knocking me right out of my throne of joy. One by one, you slowly took little bits and pieces of my life away from me. My chances of ever landing an internship: poof. The opportunity to reunite with my family at my cousin’s wedding: poof. And the last year and a half of what little college experience I had left: poof.
As if that wasn’t enough, you left me trapped in my house for what seemed like years on end and pumped me up with so much fear to the point where I was utterly afraid to leave my house because it felt like I would be facing death every time I stepped out of it. And for the first time ever in my life, I was afraid random strangers would come after me simply because of my race.
Yet, somehow, if I was given the opportunity to change you, and all the havoc you wreaked in my life, I wouldn’t.
While you robbed me of so much, you also gave me such valuable things I never would’ve gotten if it weren’t for you. You helped me become closer to my faith― closer than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. You helped me fall in love with working out and helped me strengthen my relationships with the beloved people in my life. And you introduced me to the addictive world of TikTok, which not only became an important creative outlet of mine but also a place where I was able to meet so many incredible strangers.
[bf_image id="vzcrcsv6wvv8s7tn2r2m27kb"] Most importantly, however, you finally taught me how to be fully confident with my body and helped me discover a new passion for digital art. All those years of feeling insecure over my body weight, my flat chest, and all those other little quirks about my body washed away.
So no, I wouldn’t change you. You’ve allowed me to learn so many things that I never would’ve gotten a chance to if you didn’t come into my life. I learned the importance of living every day like it’s your last because life can change at any moment. That life is nothing if I don’t have my loved ones, happiness, and health. And that it’s the seemingly small things―like giving hugs or sitting in a classroom―that are often overlooked and taken for granted.
[bf_image id="56brv56ksqnrcrxwvg243p"] Sometimes I do wonder where I would be in life right now if you didn’t happen, or who I would be. The person I am and the life I have right now wouldn’t exist at all if you had never happened. But I genuinely do believe that my life changed for the better. Exactly how it was supposed to be all along.
With that said, farewell 2020. It was a year I never wanted but needed.