The "Club Penguin" Minigames are Ridiculously Hard

It feels like the gaming community is always on about new releases like “RE8” and “Cyberpunk”. However, most games I’ve played don’t really hit home as much as the games I played when I was younger. So when “Club Penguin” shut down in 2017, my heart sank. The death of “Club Penguin” marked the death of my inner child. I was devastated. So when “Club Penguin Rewritten” (currently under construction) and “New Club Penguin” (pretty similar) came out, I realized that I should play them when I have time. And boy do I have time now. 

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I have to say I’m pretty impressed with how far I’ve come at 20. I’m not the best at social interactions. I can’t drive. But I’m good at problem-solving. Obviously, this comes from hours of practice. However, I went from being kicked out of my high school math class for being too dumb, to mastering game theory, abstract algebra, and acing coding interviews. I’m planning on going to grad school to study philosophy with an emphasis on logic.

Then why can’t I solve the (don’t include that) missions on “Club Penguin”? Why can’t I get to the rare treasure on “Aqua Grabber”? I was barely quick enough to finish “Pizzatron 3000” and I’ve only done that once in my whole life. All I’ve wanted in my life was to rescue the blue Puffle from the vicious sharks in the water, but my dreams have been crushed. Because no college education or training can rival the grueling games designed for seven to nine-year-old players. 

I’ve come to realize that the people who created “Club Penguin” are masterminds. The stories that are told throughout the mini-games have zero plotholes. To tell such an intricate tale of a fictional island while still getting children to understand it is really impressive. Revisiting the game a decade later gives me an interesting perspective. Hydro Hopper might have been my first exposure to water pollution. Puffles taught me that I need to take good care of my pets. Ice Fishing taught me patience. 

But all of the work I’ve put into figuring things out went to waste when I realized that I can’t be a good secret agent if I need to google my way through some of the missions.

I have been defeated by a kids’ game. 

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I realized that no one can get through the Soda Seas without bumping into Fluffy the Fish. In fact, children might have the upper hand in that they’re able to think outside the box. No one is too good for “Club Penguin” because the minigames will always be ridiculously hard.