Are We Dismissed?

 The struggle of being a woman in a society shaped by men.

Growing up, I never understood what it meant to be a woman living in a society structured by men. I was raised in a household with a father who always supported me, allowing me to be whoever I wanted. However, my obliviousness quickly subsided when I started college. Reflecting on my childhood, as well as my years in high school, I realized that many parts of my life had been shaped by men. 

Regardless of your gender identity, if you are not a cisgender man, there is often an underlying feeling of unacceptance. This is not necessarily due to the need to be wanted by men, but rather society’s outlook on your role within it. Frequently, women are not seen for more than their bodies and what they can provide to a man. A concept belonging to the 1950s suburban housewife aesthetic, but it continues to be preserved throughout society today, even in subtle ways. 

This semester I have been working in a group for one of my recitation classes, composed of two males and one other woman. One of the guys, whom we will call “James,” frequently shames me for my ideas, telling me I am wrong and essentially implying that I am dumb. Although his short temper extends to most people, his criticism and outward disrespect are directed specifically towards women. When trying to work collaboratively with James, he ignores contributions and expresses his displeasure with work I have already completed. When I suggest that he change something to avoid confrontation, he rewrites essentially the same response he had just deleted.

James represents the superiority complex some men exhibit when placed in an environment with women, condescending to them to assert their dominance. This dynamic exists throughout society, as the term “mansplaining” was coined to describe men’s assumptions that women cannot keep up with their supposed sophistication. Unfortunately, many men are too arrogant to assume that a woman could know anything beyond taking selfies and putting on makeup. My interactions with James reflect experiences many women have on a daily basis, as “56% of women say they have experienced mansplaining at work”. The behavior exhibited by James and other men makes me question myself and my abilities. The dismissal of the feminine voice is also displayed on a global scale, as only 28 of 195 recognized countries have women serving as head of state or government. Our voices are not only limited on a personal level but also at a structural one. 

The other guy in the group, whom we will call “Leo,” had previously talked to me about how he felt James was being particularly hard on me and how he thought my contributions were sufficient. Comforted by his support, we became friendly and would walk to our next destinations together after recitation. After a few “walk and talks,” we started discussing topics outside of our group project. 

One day, we discussed our weekends. 

I mentioned that my boyfriend and I had done something together. 

He hasn’t talked to me since.

Maybe I was somewhat oblivious to his interest in me; however, it is humbling to realize that our conversations may have been driven by an ulterior motive. He now ignores me during group work and pretends not to know who I am when we see each other elsewhere on campus. 

I understand how he may have felt a sense of rejection. However, if the roles were reversed, this situation would likely not have been the same. As women, we tolerate endless belittling, both for being interested in men and for not being interested in them. Being seen for nothing other than what you can contribute to a man (boy) subconsciously generates a feeling of worthlessness. 

We allow men so much room for error and opportunities to make up for their mistakes, whereas women are constantly shamed simply for existing. This universal disregard for women in spaces dominated by men regresses the progress we have made for ourselves. However, verbally taking a stand will not necessarily change their mindsets, as many have been conditioned to believe they are correct because they collectively hold the most power. 

It may seem pessimistic to suggest that we are unable to change society’s outlook on women through our voices alone. To make years of progress, only to find ourselves being seen in the same way, just in a different context, is disheartening. So, what can we do?

In a society where there doesn’t seem to be enough room for women at the top, we need to make space. Women should focus on supporting one another and rising together rather than competing for one spot. Additionally, although it is upsetting to admit, the genuine support of men in positions of power could help establish credibility among those who are constrained by narrow-minded thinking. 

Proving our worth and demonstrating our positive contributions to society should not be something we have to do repeatedly, nor should our voices require male validation to be heard. Whether in a classroom, a workplace, or positions of power, we must continue making space for our voices to be heard where they have historically been dismissed. 

• #feminism
• #maneater
• #society
• #womansupportingwomen
• #Women