As I look forward to the end of my spring semester at Boulder, I’m also eagerly anticipating the upcoming semester — one where I won’t be in Boulder at all, but instead in Amsterdam on a study abroad program. I’ve been looking forward to going abroad at some point during my college career, and I’m incredibly excited and grateful for the chance to do so in a city that I’ve longed to visit for many, many years.
But hand in hand with this excitement and gratitude comes a healthy dose of nerves. As much as I can’t wait to study abroad, it hasn’t quite sunk in yet that I’m going to be in a whole new country, without friends or family, for an entire semester—and when I think about it too long, I do begin to feel the anxiety creeping in. What if the homesickness proves too great to cope with? What if I don’t get along with the other students on the program? What if something that I’ve been so looking forward to ends up being a terrible decision?
Many of us are told early on that studying abroad is one of the best things we can do in college. And it is true; though I haven’t gone abroad yet, I’m certain the experience and knowledge I gain from my travels will be immense and invaluable. But I think that it’s important to recognize the enormity of what studying abroad truly is. Yes, you should have fun. Yes, you should be excited. If you’re not, you probably shouldn’t be going.
But it’s also okay if you’re anxious. I definitely am! Although I’m hopeful the program will go well and I’ll have lots of fun, I’m still going to be away from my friends and family for a very long time. I’m still going to be thrust into an entirely new environment with people I don’t know in a place I don’t know. As summer draws ever closer, and I begin feeling the reality of that situation more deeply, I’ve found myself having to grapple with these contradictions.
At first, I wondered if maybe I’d made a mistake. If I should have simply stayed here, in Boulder, where things are familiar and comfortable. I almost backed out of accepting my offer to the program altogether. But I chose to go through with it in spite of that fear, and I’m so glad that I did.
The prospect of stepping outside of our comfort zones is frightening. It can feel as though everything is moving too fast, as though the future is coming before we’re ready for it, but trying new things is important. Stepping outside of our comfort zones is what allows us to grow. Remember: Once, coming to college seemed an enormous leap, a sudden onset of adulthood that probably very few of us were entirely ready for. Once, high school graduation was a distant improbability. Once, crossing the threshold of middle school was a daunting prospect.
Our lives are built upon all of the maybe-one-days that we’ve ever faced and overcome. Studying abroad is as scary as it is exciting. It looms large. But if you, like me, are grappling with those nerves, don’t forget: Our future selves are looking back at us, and they are so, so glad we went. It’s going to be great. And it’s going to be okay. After all, how can we change if we never take that first brave step forward?