It’s late August, and you’re heading back to school. Excited for a year ahead, you wonder what’s in store for you. Keeping an open mind for new experiences – and maybe some new love interests – you can’t help thinking about that one person from home you were talking to all summer.
Late September: you’ve met someone. He’s really into you, and you’re really into him, but for some reason you can’t fully commit to him. Part of you thinks you’re still hung up on that guy you had a thing with over the summer, part of you can’t help but reply to Snapchats from your ex you’re now friends with or that friend you’ve always had a crush on, and part of you wonders if maybe your feelings for this new person are valid or if you’re just getting caught up in the moment.
Nevertheless, you decide to go with the flow and see how things play out. Nothing really changes. You’re stalemating. And you’re not the only one: despite your scattered array of friends in committed relationships, you know more people who are texting or Snapchatting or “just hanging out – there’s no label” than you do people who are able to engage in a monogamous relationship.
While hopelessly struggling to soul-search and figure out what aspect of your personality or past won’t let you move on, you’ve never entertained the notion that you might not even be at fault. Maybe nothing’s even happening with that guy or those guys you stay in touch with, and it’s all just harmless talk. Maybe nothing’s happening with the new guy you’re hanging out with. You’re likely not stuck in this immobile position because of something wrong with you. You’re likely stuck there because of your mobile device.
Years before smartphones were as commonplace as they are today, people lost touch with friends and significant others from the past. If there was someone you really wanted to keep in touch with, you had to put in the effort: write him a letter, see him in person, send him a “u up?” telegraph. The point is: In the past, people had to work for those they cared about beyond clicking three to five buttons on a device that’s constantly in their pockets and receiving an instantaneous reply.
Furthermore, you moved on because you didn’t have a choice. It was impossible to stay in contact. You couldn’t virtually stalk your ex, send live Snapchats of your day to that guy you’ve always had a crush on, or catch up with your summer fling every couple weeks. You moved forward, and when you said you’d go with the flow, you truly did that.
Living in the present as we think of it now is more a mode of living in a combination of the present and past than it ever was before. We hinder our personal growth and hold ourselves back from what could have been the greatest love of our lives, because we’re unable to move on. Our society reflects this in the ways in which we care so much about what others think of us on and off social media and in how everyone seems so cripplingly anxious for our own futures. In order to move forward, it’s time to disable the nostalgia feature so easily accessible to us in our pockets. If the future is technology, but technology allows us to hold ourselves back, we ought to reinvent the future – for ourselves, for our friends, and for that really cute guy you just started seeing. When in doubt, follow all the clichés: go with your gut, ride the wave, leave your cell phone at home.