Solo dates… I’ve always heard of them, but never seriously considered them. Until the holidays, my mom gifted me a beautiful hardback journal that encouraged readers to take themselves on daily or weekly solo dates, accompanied by a fate-deciding card deck. Whether ‘solo-dating’ a group exercise class, fancy dinner, unproductive coffee visits, among others, I started to really love taking myself out.
These ‘get-out-and-go’ exercises offered me powerful opportunity for self-reflection—from discovering my intense interest in chess to just how bad I am at ice skating. However, most transformatively, these exercises reaffirmed a powerful sentiment from my mom: “only you know yourself best.” I’ve included below some of my learned lessons and themes from my month of solo-dating and hopefully you will give the practice a try sometime too!
Lessons That Resonated With Me and Anecdotes
- I was so nervous to try certain activities alone, like asking for a table for one at a fancy restaurant. But, I learned that it is never that serious and it is so important to enjoy your night, re: spotlight bias! Also, these experiences push you to grow in really beneficial and transformative ways.
- I also learned that spontaneity can be beautiful. I unintentionally went for a solo date in Paris, with a free evening from classes, getting off at an unfamiliar train stop. I went to a delicious cafe and dinner spot and ordered myself a delicious virgin espresso martini. A super amazing group of women invited me to their table, taught me some French, gave me enriching life advice, recommendations for making the most of my time in Paris, bought me some more yummy drinks haha, and we watched soccer on the TV together! This night was among my favorites in Paris and my solo date spontaneity made for this exciting opportunity.
- Trust yourself and lose the cards if you want! Not every plan or activity needs structure or planning—listen to yourself and what sounds good!
- Blend material and experiential experiences to learn more about yourself! There can be so many opportunities for self-growth through consuming/material experiences, but non-costly experiences can also be just around the corner (literally!)
- By trying to be more present with yourself, you are learning to be more present with others. ‘Solo-dating’ can really help you learn more about yourself and value your time more. For instance, am I spending my time in company and activities that energize me?
- You learn to love your company! From this exercise, I’ve grown more comfortable and now enjoy activities that once felt a bit discomforting alone!
- Also, tangibly, you will learn a lot about your likes and dislikes! My different weekly activities helped me discover my intense interest in chess (currently on the hunt for chess partners or opportunities to learn!) and inspires my self-growth.
This practice has been immensely fulfilling for me, but why should you try ‘solo-dating’?
Why Should You Try ‘Solo-Dating’ Exercises?
I’d recommend solo-dating exercises as a chance to learn more about yourself, discover what truly resonates with you, and feel empowered by your own value. Your time is among your most personal and valuable assets—invest it (intentionally) in company and experiences that energize you.
I hope this article resonates with you or inspires you to look more into the exciting practice! It has been tricky for me to ‘solo-date’ on a weekly basis, but I really loved the opportunity, and try to do so when I can—it has absolutely flourished a lot of personal growth.
See you next week,
Jessica