I remember the feeling of excitement and rebellion when my mom finally agreed to buy me sparkly lip-gloss. Purchased at Bath & Body Works, this sparkly (clear – let’s not get too ahead of ourselves) lip-gloss was my first encounter with ‘makeup,’ although I am not sure if lip-gloss really counts as makeup…Anyway, as my makeup collection grew from lip-gloss and mascara to blush, eyeshadow, and foundation, I found expression and confidence. At the same as my discovery of makeup, I spent many a-afternoons transfixed on YouTube videos, watching clothing hauls and makeup tutorials. Consciously or not, I remembered tips mentioned in these YouTube videos which led to improved (or at least felt that I had improved) skills.
Trips to Sephora and makeup counters in department stores provided a relief from stress as I perused the counters and discussed the best eyeshadow color for my complexation with salespeople. Granted this was my parents’ money and in a few years, I will be making my own DIY mascara and eyeshadow concoctions at home due to the likelihood of becoming a stereotypical broke twenty-year-old. Regardless of where you buy your makeup, taking the time to put on makeup is a special ritual that relaxes you as you focus intently on brush placement and color coordination. These moments of self-pampering are vital in college when students are bombarded with internal and external stress and pressures; finding 15 to 30 minutes to experiment with makeup can be a relaxing break from an otherwise frenzied schedule. Not to mention, the end-result usually leaves you feeling confident and excited to go out on the town.
However, I have had experiences with makeup that have been not as positive. It’s not so much directly makeup which I have had issues with, but the consequences of wearing makeup (and I am not referring to leaving foundation stains on white shirts or runny mascara). In high school I was a server for a catering company. Most of the time I would not wear makeup to the events I catered, but for a wedding, my mom suggested that I might put on some makeup to look a bit more “presentable” (ouch…in her defense, I was experiencing several breakouts). Begrudgingly, I stomped up to my room like my three-year-old self and slapped on some makeup. Within 15 minutes I was feeling happy with the result and felt more confident about going to work as the required outfit made me look like a prepubescent boy.
When I arrived at the event and began to complete my tasks, I noticed attention from other employees which I had not experienced during previous shifts (sans makeup). One of the cooks even gave me a flower! I was partly flattered as I did not usually get any attention at school, but also partly offended because why I had not received the same attention last week when I wasn’t wearing any makeup? The encounter bothered me, but I brushed it off and eventually forgot about it…until a few weeks ago.
I was at a Halloween party with my friends wearing a costume I had made myself, an eyeshadow combination that I was pretty proud of, and red lipstick (which I never wear). I was feeling confident and beautiful. One boy approached me at the party and made an offensive remark; although he meant it as a pick-up line, it was a rude and gross one that left me feeling vulnerable and ashamed. For a few seconds my confidence was elevated by being noticed by the opposite sex, but then it was depleted by his words. Perhaps, the best confidence comes from yourself and not others.
Recently, I have returned to makeup, doing my nails, and blow drying my hair as part of my routine. Last year, I did not take as much time to pamper myself and have fun with makeup on the weekends. I am not sure why this was; I think it was partly due to an internal unhappiness that resulted in a lack of care in my external appearance. This year has been different and I have reclaimed my love for makeup and its powers of boosting your confidence and reminding you that you are beautiful, with or without makeup. While I do not wear makeup every day, as I had done in high school, or just mascara as I had done in middle school, taking the time on weekend nights to pamper myself has helped soothe my stress and remind myself that I am beautiful, something I often forget.
However, makeup as a means to confidence is a slippery slope. Beyond the anecdotes I have shared, makeup encourages conformity to a certain beauty ideal that is plastered in magazines and on social media for all to see. In Sarah Scott’s essay, “Influences of Cosmetics on the Confidence of College Women: An Exploratory Study,” she states that cosmetics are “in America, women are constantly seeking ways to change their appearance to fit the American ideal of beauty which they are bombarded with by the media (Scott 4).” Scott explains that “makeup holds the possibility for a woman to personally transform herself, resulting in an increase in self-confidence” (Scott 5). I agree with Scott’s point as I have personally felt this way before, but the greater issue is of conforming to what society is telling women.
In Kathleen Lupu’s article for the Her Campus chapter at Boston University, she discusses makeup in relation to low self-esteem. She states that if women “choose not to wear makeup, then we’re unprofessional, ugly, or don’t care enough,” but on the other hand if woman “choose to go all out [with makeup], we’re insecure, slutty, or vain.” To Lupu, “wearing makeup is a way of showing myself respect.” I had not thought of wearing makeup in this way before, but after reading Lupu’s article I have realized that it is this quality of makeup that makes it so powerful
Remember who is in control of your brush: you, and not anyone else.