I will be honest when I say that 65% of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby flew right over my head. If I had all the time in the world, I would reread the classic novel with a side of an oat milk latte. But who’s got the time when you are a full time college student balancing work with keeping up-to-date with the social scene on campus? I often feel like Nick Caraway, looking in on the drunken, hazy scene as I awkwardly sway off in the distance. I’m there on the dance floor (if you can call the dirty linoleum floors of a Winch or Ridge a dance floor), but I feel like an outsider trying to penetrate the East Egg life. Everyone around me seems to be having more fun and letting loose, while I stare back into the darkness like a naive deer caught in the headlights of someone’s flashlight on their phone gliding through the air during a slow song.
So, is any of it worth it? Should I just stay in my bed on weekend nights eating Ben & Jerry’s ice cream from Oasis and slowly making my way through every rom com movie available on Netflix and HBO? When I crawl into my bed at 2 AM after a sweaty night of dancing to music I often dislike, still single and still awkward, it feels like the latter would have been a better option. But for some reason, the fear of missing out (FOMO) keeps me slapping on tinted moisturizer and straightening my hair every Saturday night before slipping into skinny jeans and a crop top because, yes, I am basic even if I try not to be. Perhaps I have had enough of sub par Saturday nights out and I am realizing as a junior, rather than as a wise senior, that going out is not all it’s cracked up to be and staying in has equal merit.
During my freshman year in college, I never went “out.” By this I mean I never went to any parties 一 don’t worry, I did leave my room to go to the library and dining halls. In fact, I only stayed at Festivus for five minutes before returning to my friend’s room and watching a movie. Floralia was perhaps my first crazy night out and even then I returned to my room earlier than everyone else. In some ways, the lack of wild nights in my freshman year makes me feel like I need to make up for it in my remaining years at Conn. I never felt any dose of FOMO freshman year, content on going to bed at an early 10:30 PM every night and only attending barn concerts and comedy shows when I was feeling particularly rebellious (although I still do this).
Now that I am a junior, I understand what the “going out culture” is like in college, or at least at Conn. Although, I think that no matter where you go to school, the culture is relatively similar and you would probably find aspects of the scene that you are unhappy with (this is a nod to those late night talks in Cro about why the party scene at Conn sucks). First of all, you will be surprised to know that people “go out” starting Thursday night all the way to Saturday night, although Fridays can be up in the air unless you are affiliated with a sport or a capella or comedy group. You can catch me reading materials for my English class or watching Netflix on a Thursday night while the room below me is blaring party music before bracing the crisp fall air on their journey to the off campus apartments or bars. I will be honest when I say that I hardly ever feel a tinge of FOMO on these Thursday nights, I would much rather cuddle into my bed with a good book and fall asleep at a reasonable hour than waste good makeup from Sephora on a mediocre night out.
This does not mean that I never feel FOMO 一 of course I do, I am only human. There were plenty of nights my sophomore year when I opted to stay in because I was swamped with homework; nothing makes you more jealous than seeing your friend’s snapchat stories of a party that actually turned out to be fun. But what about the nights when you go out with your friends and it turns out to be rather pointless? It’s hard to predict these things and I often find myself making an internal pro and con list that usually results in FOMO weighing out any con(n)s I can think of.
This brings me to a recent college party I attended, which was fun despite the sticky limbs touching my bare arms and the unfortunate discovery that a mysterious substance found a home on the toe of one of my sneakers. I had gone back and forth about going out and eventually gave in, worrying that if I was laying in my bed while the music in my dorm pumped through my walls I would feel the same sadness and homesickness that kept me from going out my freshman year of college. The party was fun, and for the most part I don’t regret going, but again I felt like an outsider looking in. How am I supposed to crack sub par puns with new people when music is blaring through a speaker? What should I do when the music changes and I look like a limp string bean clearly out of her element? Is it worth putting myself in these positions when at the end of the day I would prefer “to party” in a more intimate setting with the people I care about most?
However, there are times when going to parties is really freeing and fun. I feel like a cast member of Sex and the City, going girl out on the town with my best friends. Getting ready for a night out is probably one of the best things to boost your confidence. The point is, whether you go out or not, you will probably have some regrets; as they say, the grass is always greener on the other side.
When I first came to Conn, my cousin texted me to check in; she was in graduate school and familiar with the college scene. She advised me not to rule people out so soon and try new things. I will admit that I didn’t really take her advice until sophomore year and despite my judgments against aspects of the party culture (which I try not to make, but again I am only human), I wish I had listened to her earlier. Sometimes, you have to try something once to know if it is for your or not. It’s important to keep in mind that there are various degrees of going out from student parties, campus sponsored events, barn concerts, local bars (if you are 21+), or staying in for the night watching a movie and eating something sweet with your closest friends. The answers to these questions are what will guide you towards the green light.