Dear 13-year-old me,
Put down the black eyeliner pencil and listen up. I know that things are pretty tough right now. You just moved and you don’t really understand where you fit in the world. That’s okay. Really, it is. I’m going to be honest with you, the next several years will be difficult. There will be times when you will fail. Sometimes you will disappoint others. That is completely fine; let them be disappointed. But try not to be so hard on yourself. Not every failure is something to be upset about. These failures will help you grow into a person your peers wouldn’t even recognize right now. Even you will be surprised by how much you can change.
High school is going to be a strange time for you. Although you might look like your classmates, you will feel like an alien amongst them. Mostly, you will feel ashamed. You will be taught to feel ashamed about the most normal things. Try to not let it consume you. There is no shame in loving. There is no shame in being loud and passionate. There is no shame in being a woman. Don’t listen to them. Go about your days, and remember that everything is temporary.
One thing though: do not, I repeat, DO NOT cut your hair short. It doesn’t look good no matter how you try to style it. Just don’t do it.
You will make friends and you will lose friends, in a seemingly endless cycle that will leave you emotionally drained. You will be tempted to put up walls. Don’t. These walls will not protect you; they will only further isolate you. One day, you will find those few friends who you click with and who stick around, and I promise, they are worth the trial and tribulation.
Quite excitingly and most surprisingly, you will fall in love. You will fall in real, intense love. You will fall so deeply in love, in fact, that you will be terrified and run away from it… more than once. Don’t run away. Please. I know you don’t understand this yet but love isn’t scary. Don’t try to protect yourself from everything to avoid ever feeling pain. Some things are worth the pain.
On another note, and hear me out on this one, give your parents a break. They are human beings. They will make countless mistakes, but you need to forgive them wholeheartedly every time. Don’t expect the world of them; it isn’t fair. Just know that regardless of the fights, the tears and the slammed doors, they love you more than you can even imagine.
Also, please focus more on loving yourself. You try so hard to be loved that you forget to love yourself first and foremost. Once your heart and your mind make peace, you will find an acceptance in yourself that will outweigh a thousand appraisals from others. This is easier said than done. We are still working on it, but I’m happy to say we’ve gotten tremendously better at it.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not going to be all struggles. You will go through some truly life changing times in the next few years as well. You will travel to countries you never thought you’d see, and experience moments with your friends that will bond you for life. You will feel true happiness. You will get those butterflies in your stomach when you see that someone, something you thought only happened in books. One day you will live in a seemingly magical city and pursue your dreams, surrounded by intelligent, hilarious and strong people who understand you. You will one day come to learn that other people’s opinions of you don’t matter, and that your time is best spent making yourself happy rather than trying to make yourself into what others want you to be. You will grow and mature to become someone who, I hope, you will be proud of.
I can’t wait for you to experience every single gut-wrenching, fantastic, beautiful moment of your teenage years. Keep your head up and your heart open.
I love you,
your 21-year-old self
P.S. Technology advances beyond your wildest imagination, thick eyebrows and a big butt become trendy (YES!) and Donald Trump runs for president of the United States. Good luck!