Getting Over the Guy You Never Actually Dated

Having a crush is innocent when all it entails is sharing some information and photos found through casual stalking in your group chat. Your girls are hyping you up and telling you to “shoot your shot,” and for obvious reasons that only you seem to understand, you know this would not work.  It is all fun and games until actual feelings get involved and the thought of this impossible relationship starts to hurt. Your crush is either already taken, not interested or is outside your social parameters (long-distance, celebrity, language barriers, etc.).

You might feel ridiculous having to “move on” from someone you were never involved with in the first place. However, I am here to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You do not have control over your feelings. Although it is a phenomenon that was more common in high school for me, I have experienced it once during my time in university.

I met this amazing guy who fit all the characteristics (you know, the mental checklist (or written one if you are like me) of your ideal man), was appreciated by both my friends and family, and was incredibly charismatic. We hit it off almost instantly. At first, I would make jokes and call him my husband template or dream man. I got teased by our mutual friends, but would play it off by calmly responding that we were nothing more than friends and that I was “okay” with it. A few weeks in, I realized that I was actually developing real feelings for him and that the teasing I was experiencing was boosting my ego. I thought to myself “maybe this could be finally it.” As you are probably expecting, this story does not end by him and I being “finally it.”

When the conversation came about and he confessed that he was not quite ready for a relationship and was not even sure if he had feelings for me, I was heartbroken. I recall feeling extremely stupid for feeling that sad. We have never even been on an actual date! I was beating myself up about it until I realized this was not the way to go. If I wanted to feel better I had to value my feelings and treat them with respect. I took some distance from him, watched a few Gossip Girl episodes, had a few wine glasses with my girls and took some time to meditate and treat myself.

What I am getting at is you can treat getting over someone you have never dated the same way you would treat an actual break up. You do not have to trivialize your own feelings. Some of us might need some distance from our crush and some of us might need to completely cut them out of our lives. It might take a few weeks like it might take a few months, but one thing is for sure: you are the only person who knows how to deal with yourself and should not let anyone, not even yourself, shame you through the process.