Love Advice from my Lesbian Moms

This is my mother, Angel.

This is her girlfriend, Cindy, aka my bonus mom.

They will have been dating for six years in September, and when I asked how it started, Cindy responded, “Well, I started chasin' [Angel] August 17th of 2012, but she wouldn’t commit until late September”. Throughout that time, they started a business together, bought a house, a car, a pool, three dogs, and raised three teenage girls. So, they are basically #relationshipgoals. I decided to ask them advice on how they maintain their relationship and what makes it work.

1. Cindy: "Find someone who will wipe your mouth for you."

Angel: "But not necessarily wipe your ass."

 

2. A: "Get someone who will always give you the last drink of water, even if it’s just the…"

Together: "…backwash"

C: "She does it to me all the time."

 

3. C: "Someone who will carry a coat for you, even if you aren’t going to wear it, just in case."

 

4. A: "I can’t remember the other one…Oh! Oh! Someone who you can fart with, I knew it was something gross."

 

5. A: "Someone who will point out your boogers, and pick it. She’s not too happy about it because I do it in public."

C: "You’re so embarrassing."

A: "Hey honey, I care!"

 

6. A: "When we are watching a movie or a show, I always make sure she is still watching, still awake, or still alive."

C: "It’s always dumb shows, too."

A: "No, I’m just making sure you’re still alive."

 

7. C: "Someone who does the laundry, and puts away your underwear."

A: "I don’t put away her shirts and pants, though."

 

8. A: "Someone who will pick up your ice-cream."

C: "I didn’t even order any."

 

9. A: "Find someone that—god, you’re such a sport Cindy—won’t use perfumes or smells you don’t like."

 

10. C: "Find someone that still loves you even if you didn’t shower."

 

11.  A: "If you are a same-sex couple, it’s great to find someone close to your size so you can acquire a whole new wardrobe."

 

All of this may seem silly, but they are the little things that the two appreciate about each other.

Along the way, I have learned many things about love from them, things that are more than the surface level advice that they gave me.

1.     If you get angry with each other, it’s ok to leave the room to cool down instead of irrationally fighting in the moment.

2.     Don’t be afraid to try new things with each other, go on adventures and have fun!

3.     You don’t need to spend every waking moment together, but enjoy the alone time when you have it.

4.     Know what you are getting yourself into (like raising three teenage girls when you have no kids of your own).

5.     Be supportive of each other’s dreams.

6.     Communicate, if you are upset with the situation, talk it out to come up with a solution.

7.     Love isn’t straightforward. People show love differently, there isn’t one certain way to express it.

8.     Find an activity to do with each other, it will give you alone time and a common interest (Angel and Cindy’s is bowling).

9.     Know your boundaries, don’t force the other to do something they don’t want to.

10.  You are allowed to be independent even in the strongest relationships. If they love you, they will let you be your own person.