I was listening to some 50s and 60s hits the other day and it proposed a question–How has dating changed over the years? In those vintage songs, you hear the girl sing about how they went on a few dates and he told her he loved her! You hear stories about a couple in the 50s dating for 2 months and then they get hitched! Heck, I’ve heard that with couples in the 80s.
Let’s look at dating now. Granted I’m only 20 years old but I’ve been on more dates than you could imagine, all thanks to my life as a college freshman, and I’ve met different guys from all over the city. This is usually how it goes:
We meet on tinder because falling for a man in person is kind of non-existent. We text or have a phone conversation here and there which leads to our first date which ultimately ends with us having sex or not and then you either hear from them or you don’t.
If you do, then you read up on Cosmo and ask your friends to decode his texts and drive your mind rampant wondering if he wants to commit or not.
Now you’re just waiting for him to say the words of the sweet angel cupid, “will you be my girlfriend?”
Here’s a tip: don’t get this messed up with him asking to be “exclusive”. No, no because in 2018, that doesn’t mean “official.” Let me go ahead and explain the different stages:
First, you are considered a friend which is the very beginning stages of the romance and usually, if you both have feelings for one another, you move to friends with benefits- but only if you guys fuck. If you don’t OR you both want more than that…you move on to stage 2.
Stage 2. If you’re a committed girl like me, then you search for signs he is committed to you as well. This could be him speaking to the future of your relationship, like date ideas or planning a vacation together.
What I’ve discovered is that at least 90% of the male species DOESN’T want a label. A label is when you say, boyfriend/girlfriend. BUT then that gives you the 5% that are willing to be exclusive without a title which is the dumbest piece of crap I’ve ever heard in my life!
It means you guys don’t fuck other people and go on dates and only flirt with each other, BUT you can’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend…I mean c’mon?!
Now if he is the last solid 5 percent that wants to commit and have a title…you’re still not done jumping through hoops…I know.
*Heavy Sigh*
Not to shatter your dreams even further but most of the time these guys can be EXTREMELY busy or have nothing going for him.
I’m sadly used to dating busy men-which is fine, life/college gets you very busy. His major plays a role in this too! If he has anything to do with math or science then forget it, you’re never going to see him. If he is a photography major or film major…same thing you won’t ever see him. If he’s in a sport, ha good luck! The off-season will be better.
With not seeing him comes waiting by the phone for that text tone of a single text just to leave again and not contact you for another 5 hours. This won’t be the only issue though, hanging out with him or even dates will be very limited and rushed where you only see him for 2 hours max and then he’s gone again.
When he does have free time and he’s an actual good guy then he’ll save that whole day just for you. If he’s a realistic man, then he’ll go get drunk with his friends. Don’t watch The Notebook or any other romantic movie. Don’t go to parties or get to together with your friends in relationships because it will literally feel like your single but can’t talk to another guy.
Being with a busy man is like being single FOREVER or at least until you are tired of telling yourself that it will get better.
Forget getting a text from him about how in love he is with you or how he can’t stop thinking about you. He most likely will tell you to stop freaking out which will just leave you angry, sad and alone at night.
The only time you are with your busy man, you feel like you guys should have sex because I mean when else will you? It gets to the point where the one hour you see him.. you’re having sex. Then with a blink of an eye, he’s gone. Then you sit on your bed and think ” am I just good for sex”..it honestly feels that way since the only time he feels love is when he’s between your thighs.
Dating in 2018 is such a mind fuck. It’s filled with decoding texts like you’re f**ing Indiana Jones. It’s feeling like FBI trying to stalk social media to see what his exes are like or if he’s talking to other girls. When did dating get so confusing? When did liking all your pics on Instagram becoming a sign of flirting or if he slides into your direct messages, that was a beginning of a romance for many people?
Nowadays, it is considered ballsy to ask a person they think is cute to go on a date with them. Even rarer is the concept of after a date, calling a few times, planning multiple dates, and THEN getting into a relationship.
Dating in the city isn’t as easy as it looks. You will run into men who only want sex and then when you do find a man who wants a relationship, he either will be like a ghost in the night or he will be the guy who clings to your leg and makes you feel guilty for leaving him to go to class.
Now I have met/dated great men before as well. Ugh, they were perfect! They weren’t unreachable, just actually doing things with their lives. They were respectful and made me feel like a queen, sending me letters and calling me letting me know they loved me and how beautiful I was. I knew I never had to check social media or wait for them to reply. Time wasn’t an issue and we were just in love.
If you have that great man, then give him an extra kiss and enjoy that love life as much as you can.
For the single gals out there..you’ll find him. I’m looking for him as well, but it will take time I guess. Please promise that the next man you have interest in and shows interest in you, lay down a no games rule for yourself. If he’s playing games then he’s not worth it and just drop him. The real ones will be smitten and won’t need to play.
*Fun Fact: after writing this article, I actually broke up with my boyfriend because he was that busy guy. I now feel 1000 times better*