1. “Your butt looks great in those jorts!”
Boys love compliments, let him know how good he looks. Obviously, his butt looks the best in his jorts, so let it be known. Once he knows you like it, he will wear them more often, it’s a win-win situation!
2. “Your mom was kind of a b*tch today”
They LOVE it when you are honest. Your opinions are very important to them, so if you felt like his mom was being a b*tch, then he should know! Not only will he love your honesty, he’ll probably tell his mom you said that so she knows that she could be nicer. Bonus points: That means his mom will love you even more, she only wants to be the best she can be, so any advice can help.
3. “I pooped today and it reminded me of you”
They want to know when you are thinking of them, so why not tell them? Pooping is a time that you don’t talk about and keep very private if you tell him it reminds you of him, then he will feel closer to you. He knows that you are comfortable around him and that he reminds you of poop!
4. “I know your dog just died, but like get over it”
It’s important to let your boyfriend grieve, but not for that long. A day grieving period for an animal is more than enough, he needs to get his priorities straight. I’m talking about you; you are the priority. So, if you text him this, he will remember that you are the most important thing in his life and it’s silly to cry over a dog.
5. “Hey, will you drop me off and my friend Mason’s house?”
Boys love feeling needed. So if you ask them to do small tasks like this, they will feel like they are important in your life. Along with that, they like to see that you are social. Proving that you have friends is key to making you seem social, Mason has been your best friend since kindergarten, so why not start there?
6. “I understand you’re upset, but your boss must have had fired you for a reason”
Just like number four, get his priorities straight. He can’t spend time being upset about losing his job because he needs to go find another one. If he doesn’t have a job, then how will he pay for all the things you want or the dinners you go to? Along with this text, you can send him links to online applications for McDonald’s or Taco Bell.
7. “I’m pregnant”
You aren’t actually pregnant, but it keeps him on his toes! This is the perfect way to keep the spice in your relationship. This will also test how committed he actually is, and if he doesn’t want to help you raise a kid, drop him! This is the easiest way to see if he’s long-term relationship material.
8. “I’m breaking up with you”
Boys love jokes, so this one will really get him rolling. Act like you are breaking up with him, and keep the joke going! I suggest about a week; he will be in tears of laughter. After you finally tell him it was a joke, he will love you even more (because he LOVES jokes). You can text him this only a couple times before he assumes you are always joking and you can never really break up with him.
9. “Come over, no one is home ;)”
Once he gets this text, he will be running out the door. Guys want time alone with you, so of course, he will be ready to get to your house. When he arrives, he notices no cars in the driveway and all the lights off in your house. Confused, he will text you saying he has arrived. You text back that you are on vacation for the week and he should have read the text better because no one was home. Another prank pulled flawlessly. Again, he will be in tears of laughter.
10. “I hate those jorts you keep wearing”
Don’t let him get too cocky. It is important to keep him grounded, and if that means telling him you hate those jorts you love, then so be it. Also, if you don’t tell him, he will wear them to the job interviews, and we all know he won’t get hired that way. He’ll also try to wear them to your wedding…DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN.
11. The gif of the three typing dots.
He will think that you are writing a long message, but this is just to distract him. After days and days of waiting, he will start to get nervous. Did you die? Did you forget to send a message? Are you finally sending him your werewolf novel that you’ve been working on for years? He will try to call you, but all he will hear is, “The phone number you are trying to call has been disconnected”.
12. Have your mom send him a text.
Update, you died. They can’t find your body so there will be no funeral. Now he will be wondering what you were going to send him. All he has left of you is the three typing dots, the best legacy. He will live the rest of his life in shambles. No dog, no job, no girlfriend. He doesn’t even have his favorite jorts anymore because he threw them away for you. He will live the rest of his life in his b*tch of a mother’s basement.
13. Send the invite.
This isn’t a text, it’s a letter. He will open it in disbelief. You are alive, but it’s a wedding invitation. You are getting married to your lifelong friend Mason. With the invitation, there is a photo of the happy soon-to-be-married couple. Mason is wearing jorts and a Taco Bell uniformed hat. You are holding a baby and a dog is sitting at your feet. He looks up and he is all alone at his house, no one is home. The invitation is for his mother and only his mother. Ultimate. Prank.