You’re at (insert name of local campus-y bar here). The area around the bar is swarmed. People are trying to push their way to the counter like this is some sick, impossible game of Red Rover. Those in the back are waving $100 dollar bills and flashing their tits, just to be seen. The bartenders are sweating and spinning and their arms are moving so fast to accommodate everyone that they look almost octopedal. You’ve been in line for-literally-ever and all you want is to get your drink so you can go back to your table, play never-have-I-ever, and feel the liquid courage course through your veins as you reveal your deepest darkest secrets. You get to the counter, make eye contact with the bartender, and you know: this is your moment.
But, your troubles are hardly over. Now, you have to think about the question you thought mere moments ago was only hypothetical: what are you going to drink? Well, fear no more: we’re here with a guide for what your favorite drink says about you.
Beer
You would describe yourself as one of the “no drama” members of your friend group. You wear flannels and your first concert was some teen angst band when you were in middle school.
Wine
You may have been tapped for St. A’s and, if you weren’t, you were salty about it. If you’re a CC student, you think that the CORE is perfect exactly as it is and Eastern and Western philosophies are too different to mix.
Cider
You are an anglophile and/or don’t really like the taste of alcohol so much. Either that, or you’re just smart enough to remember that beer comes in a sweet, juicy form as well.
Four Loko
You’re crazy, but also logical. Think about it: Four Loko is basically half a bottle of wine, but with caffeine and for way cheaper. Granted, it tastes…like Four Loko.
Whiskey Sour
You dabble in irony and also in logic and mystery. This drink tastes good, has hard alcohol in it, comes with a Maraschino cherry, (perfect for showing off your tongue skills) and very few people can be like: “You’re drinking a whiskey sour?! You’re this type of person.” See, look at me, I’m having trouble with it now.
Cosmopolitan
You like to describe things as “fabulous” and would never go north of 120th unless your Art History thesis class was taking a field trip to the Cloisters. New York is your boyfriend.
Vodka Soda
My Fitness Pal is an app on your phone.
Long Island Iced Tea
Your favorite party theme is “bright and tight” and you like spontaneity. You would give up your Long Island Iced Tea if someone were pissing you off and you needed to throw something on them that would make them gross and sticky for the rest of the night.
White Russian
You never got over the movie Big Lebowski and you never will. You probably also own a bathrobe for the same reason.
**Disclaimer: This article is a personal piece and doesn’t reflect the views of Her Campus Media.