Things That Happen to Me While Texting
Texting is cheap. For a lot of us, it’s “free.” So I do it way too much. Here are some things that happen to me while I’m texting.
1. Walking into a telephone pole. Whenever I’m furiously texting and walking, I can be certain that at some point, I will walk into a telephone pole, or a mailbox, or a streetlight, or a homeless person. I’ve also had occasion to walk into a vendor selling fruit on the street—and by vendor, I mean his gigantic cart of mangos and blueberries, knocking it over and smearing strawberries on my dress. World, I’m sorry that I’m not looking out for you better, but clearly what my head is glancing down upon is more important than not breaking my nose or making you drop your produce. #sorryimnotsorry
2. Tuning out. I’m horrible at multi-tasking, so I generally don’t do it. I’m particularly bad with socially multi-tasking. How people can write an email while talking to someone in person, or be on the phone while on Facebook, is BEYOND me. If I look at my phone to text, expect me to zone you out for however long it takes me to respond to that text, as well as the other seven I ignored while talking to you because I’m that nice.
3. Getting sucked into my phone. I’ll be in the middle of work—either schoolwork or actually at work—when I get a text that requires my attention. Pretty soon it turns into a vigorous texting conversation. While waiting for a reply, I check on another text, which also turns into a time-consuming, arthritis-inducing conversation. Then I notice I missed nine snapchats, and need to get back to those. Fifteen minutes later, I remember that I was in the middle of research and just wasted fifteen minutes. I could have painted my finger and toenails, or looked through 12 articles, in the time that I was debating with you why my obsession with Winnie-the-Pooh is both normal and should be indulged.
4. Saying no-no words. I don’t want to offend everyone, so to put it vaguely, I say things I shouldn’t. I spare no sociocultural group while texting, and I need to be more careful.
5. Autocorrect FAILS. Everyone whines about autocorrect fails and thinks they are soooo funny. Great, I’m glad you enjoy accidentally saying vagina instead of bargain. And pretty often people let autocorrect steer the conversation. However, on those rare occasions when I sneak a text in while driving, I end up sending a bunch of gobbledeegook (which my mom swears is a word), that I probably should have just waited for a few minutes and saved the inevitable “huh” to ensue.
The moral of the story: use airplane mode when you’re trying to get work done, don’t use your phone when you’re in a social setting, and look up when you walk.