I moved to New York on September 4, 2020 with a heart full of hopes and a spirit ready to seize the stage of the city. I had three built-in friends — my roommates — and the security of the fact that New York City is organized in a grid. With that, I took to the streets to explore food, culture, and relationships.
Dating apps rushed quickly into my life as I sat at the dining room table with my roommates discussing our first week of classes and the long list of things we needed to purchase to make our apartment a home. It’s worth mentioning that we were sitting in a living room where the pieces of furniture were a raggedy table, four dinner chairs, and a lounge chair found for free on Facebook Marketplace. We were truly living the life. Nevertheless, we decided that perfecting our dating app profiles to satiate our boredom was more important than perfecting our living room. Alas, we trudged on and designed our profiles, giggling as we chose which pictures to use and which elements of our personality to highlight in our bios. It was a momentous bonding experience.
Having used dating apps in March to boost my self-esteem and entertain myself during quarantine, I was already familiar with the concept. However, boys from New York are a different breed than boys from Chicago. As a result, I became accustomed to the eagerness that accompanied male attention and the disrespect that rode alongside some boys and the caring nature of others. It was a learning curve and having just come out of a committed relationship, the lack of commitment was a bit jarring. However, the self-proclaimed “Nice Jewish Boys” made the transition much smoother.
Therein lies my first lesson: make sure you know what you want when you decide to download a dating app. Whether you are there for an actual relationship or for the adventure of a fleeting passion, make sure you are honest with yourself because it is only when you have an experience you weren’t expecting that you can get upset. Whatever you choose, more power to you! Just make sure you are being safe regarding COVID.
Once you know what you want, start swiping! This is where the real fun begins. Dating apps give women the power to be picky. The power to understand their worth and demand it. This is important in a world where women are put to a double standard for wanting what they deserve rather than letting men walk over their hearts. When given the opportunity to be picky, my roommates left me laughing as they declared, “Why do the cute guys need to put stupid things in their bios like comrades with benefits?” or, “The hottest thing about him is his class schedule.” Although said in jest, these comments highlight the confidence boost that women can have by downloading a dating app. So my second lesson is to be picky! It’s worth it, especially if you’re looking for a relationship.
Finally, you must trust the process. There may be days where you are thinking things my roommates have said, like, “It’s not my fault I’ve never seen an attractive man,” or, “I’m convinced men can’t read,” when they ask you where you go to school even though your Barnard or Columbia pride is displayed so clearly in your bio. One day, the right boy or girl will come along and make you feel special, even if it’s just for a moment. It can be scary. One of my roommates teased one of the others by saying, “Not all of us are terrified of the boys we match with.” But just ride the wave and wait for the right person.
When it seems like it cannot get any worse, when you start receiving pickup lines like, “What’s your favorite historical era? I need to plan my corny pickup line accordingly,” or, “Saw you went to Baruch too,” even though you clearly go to Barnard, remember to breathe. Trust the process. Laugh. Because we’re all playing this crazy game of life and swiping right on the wrong person a few times is only bringing you closer to the right person. So keep swiping, be picky, and know what you want. That is the key to exploring the dating app world.