Relationship Advice from Someone Who had Never had a Relationship

Does Valentine’s Day officially end cuffing season? Well, who cares. This year, cuffing season will extend past Valentine’s with these tidbits.


In high school, my entire grade had to sit through a “healthy relationships” workshop which taught me a lot of valuable knowledge: those who can’t “do” relationships, “teach” relationships. So here I am.


The only men in my life are named Ben & Jerry, but nevertheless, I am a relationship expert: I’ve seen all of Julia Roberts’ movies. That on its own is the equivalent of a degree in relationship psychology. Due to my unparalleled expertise, I am here to give the world the relationship advice no one knew they needed.


Love yourself first: pretty self-explanatory. RuPaul said it best “If you can’t love yourself, how they hell you gonna love somebody else?’

But on a more serious note, since coming to Barnard, I have really learned the importance of self-care. Despite the movie trope of the woman being “selfish” for engaging in a little “me-time,” it is really important to look towards yourself every once in a while and ask whether you are happy. This year, I’ve been working on a Lizolution 2.0 (we don’t talk about the failures of Lizolution 1.0), which really is spending time making myself become the best Lizzie I can be. While this list might seem disparaging and an example of not loving yourself, the main point of Lizolution is seeing what I am doing really well at and then focusing on fixing small things just for myself. I think that in trying to become the best version of yourself, for yourself, then you are practicing self-care and self-love to the highest degree.


Don’t ditch your friends: this is actually something I have experience with! So my credibility has upped itself by 10000%. I know being in a relationship is fantastic (scratch that, I really don’t know) but always go chicks before dicks. Your friends were there before you got a significant other and will be there when you no longer do. Give your gal pals the consideration and love they need too. Go to the zoo with them, or the movies, or just put a little effort into those relationships. Don’t be a Regina George. No one likes a Regina George.


Talk about stuff: this one also feels really self-explanatory. Like the old schoolyard rhyme, “secrets secrets are no fun, not for me or anyone”, secrets can be really harmful to a relationship. I’m not saying you have to tell your person everything, but if it concerns them or warrants them to be concerned, then it’s probably a good idea to tell. If my boyfriend had a small twin on the back of his head (think of a baby doll with the same face who could speak on the back of his head), that would probably be something that you should tell.


Cheaters always cheat: this is a plug for my article about toxic relationships on television, but the point still stands. Cheating isn’t cute. Cheaters are not cute. You should not cheat. You should not be with a cheater. Cheaters should be alone and practice a lot of self-introspection. Cheating is...


You can still find love if you have glasses: I know like 3 people with glasses in relationships. Theory: disproven.