I’m sure you’ve all heard of the “manic pixie girl”, where they aren’t “like the other girls”. What does that even mean?
Well, it was supposed to mean that you were someone who didn’t necessarily care about makeup, your hair, wearing “pretty” clothes, etc. You were quite literally uninterested in anything that had to do with the stereotype of a girl. What that actually is, is a way to perpetuate internalized misogyny. No one wants to be seen as the “pick me” girl. But now, no one wants to be labeled “not like other girls” either. It seems we’ve overcorrected, an already odd phrase.
There now is this new point of tension. Stemming from media and television, where the girls that beat the norm of falling into stereotypical “girly” habits, tend to get the guy, nobody wants to be caught doing the most basic of things. You want to wear glittery lipgloss? That’s basic. You drink pumpkin spiced lattes? That’s typical. You post an outfit pic? You’re bragging. You don’t post yourself at all? That means you’re trying too hard to seem different. There is no winning. It’s incredibly male-centered, where girls feel as if in order to be seen as unique and their own person, they have to abandon anything that might resemble the qualities that are attributed to femininity. The media has made it so that people believe guys like girls that are “different”.
Everyone is attempting to convince others that they are not fabricating femininity, which unfortunately turns into a performance in and of itself. It’s as if we’ve created a cultural panopticon of sorts.
Why do we react so negatively to similarity? Why does it feel awkward to share interests with other women, such as a love of pop music, pink nails, or the same moisturizer brand that everyone on TikTok uses?
In actuality, being like other girls isn’t a bad thing. It’s typical. It’s a community. It’s a common experience, comedy, and taste. Similar tastes do not negate individuality; rather, they indicate that you live in a society where women influence one another and set trends.
Every time the internet determines what type of female is “cool,” you don’t have to start over. To make your interests appear less fundamental, you don’t have to deny them.
Therefore, no, I’m not “not like other girls.”
I am just like them.
I think too much about texts. Little things are romanticized by me. I laugh when I’m anxious and cry when I’m upset. I strive to appear effortless even when I’m not, get sucked into trends, and scroll for too long. I’ve discovered that being “like other girls” is not a sign of inferiority; rather, it simply indicates that I experience the same conflicts, aspirations, and pressures that all females go through.
Perhaps the need to appear “different,” which people misinterpret for individuality, is actually just another type of performance. Everybody is changing and putting on different incarnations of themselves depending on the situation: being casual when it’s appropriate, and aloof when it feels too dangerous to be vulnerable. However, I believe that acknowledging that has power. Being “just like other girls” means acknowledging that we are all learning to live in the same culture, but with somewhat different styles, rather than losing our uniqueness.