To the girls who look at their screen repeatedly, even when there hasn’t been a “ping” or a “buzz” in 30 minutes. When the messages start to dwindle and the calls become less frequent, you might find yourself always waiting to jump at the phone. To the girls who feel a lump in their throat for no particular reason, or those who feel alone in a mob full of people. The feeling in your chest could be nerves or emptiness, and, for some reason, you could always have a cloud above your head.
When you find yourself wallowing around, waiting for your partner to contact you, I promise that the feeling of insecurity doesn’t just go away by itself. It is important that in these situations, you listen to yourself and your needs in the moment. Communication with yourself and your partner will eventually lead to more clarity, and it will quell some of that anxiety that can seriously distract you. If you’re just afraid of what will happen when you two communicate, try and plan a call (or a meeting, if that’s an option) with your partner. This gives the both of you time to sort through your feelings and thoughts and express them to each other in a way that has been carefully thought through. Let yourself feel whatever it needs to feel during that communication and trust your intuition in what needs to happen next.
To the girls who wake up every morning to notifications from their partner, tired from the long phone call the night before. To ones who have a spring in their step, beaming as they walk around campus. When the communication is consistent and there are already plans in place to see each other again, you feel on top of the world, loved and warm no matter what. To girls who feel so much love, they have no desire to look for it anywhere else.
When you find yourself living like the plot of an old Taylor Swift song, allow yourself to be happy. It is an amazing feeling to be in love and not have worry or anxiety in your relationship. That is not a feeling that everyone has doing long distance! However, while your head is in the clouds, be sure that you are grounded. Check if having a long-distance partner might keep you from enjoying college and taking advantage of your new surroundings. It’s OK to not be on your phone all day. Have a spontaneous outing with your new friends, try new foods, visit a new borough. Turn off your messages or leave your phone when you go study at the library so that you’re not distracted. It’s OK to miss the nightly phone call because you are out, and to maybe not always text back in 30 seconds.
And for all the girls in the middle, navigating murky waters. Some days, the clouds seem to mask the sky. You might text or call your partner, but the feeling isn’t there. Other days, the sun peeks through. You can be the girl who looks at their phone and giggles, and everyone around her can guess that it was someone special. It might feel like a yo-yo going on in your head of whether to keep going or to end. Breaking up might be what you should do, but you always wonder: “What if?”
This might be a little more tricky. The back and forth of whether you should stay might seem to be the only thing on your mind. If that’s the case, communication again is important, and you should also try and plan a conversation with your partner and see if contact affects your feelings, during and after the conversation. You are figuring out your surroundings, and you might be pulled in all directions to pick up a class, join a club or go out to a new spot. So, a partner that’s tugging on your heart strings is definitely not the best solution to your stress. Try and clear your head. Exercise, organize your room or a just take a good nap—all might do the trick.
Ultimately, it is good in any of the following situations to put yourself first. Your personal journey is only yours, and this is such a pivotal time to start living out your purpose and begin the rest of your life! Loving yourself is essential to happiness, but also the foundation of the best decisions in whatever relationship you have.