As seen across the media, from the Hollywood movies we watch to the Instagram stories of our friends, college is depicted as a deeply social experience. Prior to actually attending college, I assumed the easiest part of college would be assimilating to the social scene. Watching both my older brother and sister go through school, it seemed alone time was not the norm for college students; when visiting them there was never a time that friends were not popping in and out of whatever space we were in, as if there was no shortage of social gatherings to attend, ever. My perception of life at college was greatly impacted by their experiences and by the media. Yet, to my dismay, I cannot say my experiences met these expectations
For the better part of my first year I spent many hours alone. The time I spent walking, sitting, studying, eating, and so on was predominantly on my lonesome. Though I knew I was not the only one having this experience, it often felt isolating. Observing social media and public spaces became triggering as it seemed I was outside of this social sphere everyone else managed to exist within. As a result of multiple factors including my introversion, fear of rejection, and so on, this social sector of my life was severely lacking and, quite frankly, it caused multiple identity crises for a while.
Over time, I discovered the value in this initially unwelcomed solitude. Though it is a banal revelation, to find joy in solo activity, sometimes we need a reminder that each one of us has every right to be comfortable in doing activities, which by society’s standards should be done with others, alone. This time alone does not need to be labeled as “soul searching,” or “finding” oneself, either. The act of being alone, willingly or not, should not need a purpose or any justification. In order to convince myself that this alone time I had was okay, I tried telling myself it was about self-cultivation and self-realization. Once I found that I can be alone simply for the sake of being alone and find the utmost comfort in mindless solitude, I finally found peace of mind. I still spend much of my time alone, but instead of viewing this time as a failure or something to be changed in my life like I did for so long, I see it as a harmless pastime that holds little stake in who I am as a person.
Thankfully these days, with more people finding comfort in their own presence, the stigma around being alone in social settings is subsiding. Therefore, if you want to do something but feel this pressure to only do it if someone is there alongside you, know that first, no one is really paying attention anyway, and second, your mind deserves time to process the world completely free of external influence.