Between the Sheets: The Walk of Shame Outfit

Sooo last night you may have made a bit of a mistake…. He was just so tall and he bought you, like, two whole drinks AND he offered to get you guys a taxi home (to his) from the bar. (It’s cold out there – no one’s judging you). Except maybe yourself, because, unfortunately, in the harsh light of day, you’ve awoken in John Jay and realized the worst: he’s a freshman. Seriously girl, I don’t care that you can’t find your bra, you gotta get out of there before anyone sees you. So this brings me to the penultimate decision that influenced this post: do you walk home in your own clothes, or “borrow” some of his?

             I’m honestly a big supporter of women sticking to their wardrobe decisions from the previous evening, sucking it up, and walking home in those heels. If you’re uncomfortable wearing it under the sun’s revealing rays, you probably shouldn’t have been wearing it in the first place. Walking home in that stretchy mini-dress displays some fortitude, but lately I’ve seen more and more girls opt for the “more subtle” option of throwing on last night’s companion’s size 87 CU sweatpants and Uggs/ slippers/ Keds/ sandals (yes, I’ve actually seen sandals), clutching their stripper heels under one arm, and making their way home, shiftily glancing around to see if anyone has realized what’s up. I have. Believe me, you’re not fooling anyone. Your mascara is on your chin, and your hair has fashioned itself into a style reminiscent of a poorly designed avant-garde fashion show. Remember, no matter what you decide to make your way home in, you can’t erase what happened last night.

            And nothing makes me more disappointed (and, okay, more than a little bit amused) than this obvious display of mortification.  You were so proud when you were dancing on that table last night, where is all that confidence now? You took so many bathroom selfies, you clearly weren’t worried about the acceptability of your nearly-fictional skirt at that point. What’s changed? So my little walk of shamers, next time you get ready for a big night out on the town, ask yourself: would I be comfortable wearing this walking past the garbage men at 6am tomorrow? If the answer is no, put some pants on. Not to mention how awkward it’s gonna be when your little freshman lover asks you where all his clothes are.