The 1020 Guy:
Physical Attributes: Beard, glasses, cardigan (either ironically hipster or he’s just that nerdy)
What He’s Drinking: Whatever the $3 draft beer special is that night.
Pick-Up Line: “So… are you a student?”
How to React: Make pathetically awkward small talk for three minutes, then desperately need to “find your friends”
Score: 4/10
Rank: #3
The Cannons (O’Connells/ Tara Hill) Guy:
Physical Attributes: Glazed-over eyes, lacrosse pinny, profusely sweating
What He’s Drinking: His own pitcher of beer. He doesn’t like to share, unless you count him spilling a solid 8 oz. onto your shoes sharing.
Pick-Up Line: Will most likely be non-verbal. Attaching himself to your face speaks volumes, doesn’t it?
How to React: Directly correlated to how many Bitch Faces you’ve consumed and/or if you like the song that’s on.
Score: 7/10 (because at least there’s dancing)
Rank: #1
The Mel’s Guy:
Physical Attributes: Oddly overdressed for a burger joint that just turns the lights off at 11p.m., Thick wallet, probably on the crew team.
What He’s Drinking: Lionshead, tequila shot, water. Repeat.
Pick-Up Line: “Wow it’s so hard to get a drink here. You’re a girl – want to order for me?”
How to React: Koronets.
Score: 6/10
Rank: #2
The Amigos Guy:
Do people go here?
The Heights (R.I.P.) Guy:
Physical Attributes: Wrinkles
What he’s Drinking: Frozen margarita (How I miss them)
Pick-Up Line: Will stare at you for 20 minutes until you begin to fear he will follow you home, then fall asleep on the bar.
How to React: Guard your drink with your life.
Score: 3/10
Rank: #4