Thanks, Caroline, for that very enlightening last post. To follow up on some stuff that came up, I’d like to hone in on the idea of “faking it.”
To start off, a little Q&A. So a guy does something gross or uncomfortable or just a little too kinky. And you:
a) Run screaming.
b) Freeze and become an awkwardly non-participating member in the rest of sexy time.
c) Smoothly stop him from doing that without hurting his feelings, enabling the sex to be better for you both.
d) Pretend that you like it and perpetuate the cycle of him doing this awful thing that no one has told him is awful.
I would bet money that a good many (no, not all, I’m aware) would go for options b or d, because they’re just the easiest. Yes, we all know, your reasons (justifications) are valiant; “I don’t want to hurt his feelings,” “Maybe it’ll be better next time,” “It would be way to awkward to say something,” and the absolute worst: “It’s just sex, maybe it’s not that big of a deal.”
Excuse me. It’s a big deal. We all know that. It’s not going to work out, even as a casual hookup…especially as a casual hookup….. if you can’t stand his performance in bed. It’s also just straight-up unfair to go around saying this guy sucks in bed when you – and probably every other girl he’s been with – have done nothing to point him in the right direction. Let’s walk in this guy’s (We’ll call him Kenneth) shoes for a while:
Kenneth is super awesome. He calls his mom a lot, is over 6 feet, and doesn’t use the term “awesome sauce.” It’s pretty easy for him to pick up a girl at a bar, but for some reason, it just never seems to develop into anything more than a one – or two – night stand. He shrugs it off, saying “I’d rather just do my own thing right now anyway.” What Kenneth doesn’t know, however, is that when he slurps on a girl’s neck for 5 minutes straight, she feels like he’s gearing up to eat her, in the absolutely least desirable interpretation of that phrase. So girls get into his bed, confident in their decisions, and, the next morning, tiptoe out, a sweater wrapped around their necks, vowing never again. They tell their girlfriends. And Kenneth never learns the error of his ways.
Poor Kenneth. Yes, maybe he should know better on his own, but for some reason he doesn’t. It’s up to you, ladies, to help him, and every girl who decides to get into bed with him again. Help Kenneth, and help yourselves.
Now to the point of actually “faking it.” “It” being something that I really hope I don’t need to define for you. I think I can speak on behalf of all men when I say:
WHY DO YOU DO IT? It’s just unfathomable. Why are you doing this to yourself? That is something that I am 100% that, even if I could, I would never do. We love you, but we know it’s not just out of the goodness of your hearts. I know that I, and every other guy I know, has had his feelings hurt by a girl at some point over something. So why in this one circumstance are you suddenly so concerned about our feelings? Not to mention how much more it would sting to hear that a girl faked it than to have her just tell me what she wants that I’m not doing. I apologize if you want a guy to just inherently know exactly what’s going to drive you crazy (in a good way) without you saying anything, and we tend to disappoint in that arena. But sometimes, stupidly, we tend to assume that when it comes to sex, you’re like us. That is, when the question of what to do to make you have a good time in bed comes up, the correct answer is always: Touch it. All of it. A lot. Can’t go wrong right?
We are poor, misguided souls, and a vast majority of us really care a lot more about making you happy in bed than making ourselves happy in bed. (To be honest, this is mostly because we’re going to be happy about the whole “being in bed with you” thing no matter what). So don’t worry if we’re having a good time, because, while there are exceptions (please don’t bust out knives or anything like that), 90% of the time (and that’s a conservative figure), we feel like we won the lottery.
Image via someecards