With sophomores scrounging around for study guides and seniors scrounging around for post-collegiate futures, its about time to wave goodbye to the 2015-2016 school year. In commemoration, we’ve assembled a list of the most monomentous events, desicions, and in-dorm restraurants that hit our campus this year. While this school might not keep us sane, well-fed, or well-rested, CU certainly does keep us on our toes.
Malia Obama Will NOT Go Here
Despite a pretty funny parody article that that girl in your seminar may or may not have posted sincerely, the first daughter will not actually be attending Barnard next year. Whatever, Malia…have fun socializing with various Kennedy cousins and NOT learning about intersectionality.
Bacchanal Gets Even Weirder
Anyone who has witnessed the Butler Lawns closed on a perfectly beautiful spring day will have trouble denying Columbia’s much-discussed “war on fun.” But, the administration turned their grinch levels up to eleven this year with some truly Draconian Bacchanal security initiatives, from a limited number of tickets to literally penning in the students. And that’s nothing compared to one half of Rae Sremmurd actively courting some pretty serious controversy…
CDCJ Protestors Occupy Low
What do you get the PrezBo who has everything? This year, Columbia Divest for Climate Justice activists surprised our beloved Bollinger by occupying his own office for eight days straight, in an effort to get the ball rolling on divesting from the fossil fuel industry. Their bold action got a lot of attention, but unfortunately didn’t result in an overwhelming victory; while he agreed to meet with the group, Bollinger has yet to release a definitive statement condemning Columbia for its morally murky investment portfolio.
Student Worker Solidarity Stands Up
In a more definitive victory for student activists, SWS’ initiative to raise the minimum wage for student workers to $15 per hour paid off big time. Columbia College announced their capitulation to SWS’ demands back in March, with Barnard following suit in April.
PITH
In case your mom hasn’t called you to talk about The New Yorker article yet, PITH is a high-end restaurant that a culinary enthusiast started this year in his very own Columbia dorm. We hear its harder to get a reservation than it is to sneak into John Jay Surf & Turf.
Sports Happen Here
Between the football team’s unexpected slayage of their 24-game losing streak, and Columbia Men’s Basketball’s CIT championship and program-record 25 wins, the Columbia Lions were truly less embarassing this year. Take that, haters!