As I sit here in my 8:40 Intro to Psych class, which I am only taking to avoid engaging in a real science course for my general education requirements, I am legitimately falling asleep.
Twice a week, I stumble into Psych, upset, tired, and not fully awake. In high school, how was I functional at this time in the morning?
While I was a complete dork in high school (what type of nerd does Model UN? … Me; I still do Model UN. Legit I’m doing the exact same stuff but just get less sleep. Does this mean that I’m failing college?), I was a functioning dork. Was that peaking? Does it all go down from here? Probably. Employment seems scary and gross.
These are the reasons I probably peaked in high school.
- I was able to wake up before 10 a.m.
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My mother must be disappointed. Sorry, Mom, but it’s true. I am legitimately turning nocturnal.
- I actually wanted to wake up before noon.
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That would give me my full eight hours! A girl is struggling. Please send baked goods.
- I was able to pay attention in classes I didn’t want to take.
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I sat through chemistry, physics, and so many Calculus classes. And I did my work, was enthusiastic (that’s a lie, and I’d like to apologize to my physics and chemistry teachers because I made their lives hell with my confusion and complaining), and participated. Now, I get hyped for my major courses, but these general education requirements are the bane of my existence because like an old man, I have no tolerance for anything.
- I was able to finish my work, go to my activities, and keep up with television.
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My mother wanted to take me to talk to someone because of the crazy amount of television I watched. There was nothing wrong with me besides really just liking TV. In high school, I had no time management issues and could do leisure activities… what the hell happened?
- I went to bed at a normal hour.
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By midnight I was at least in my bed. Now at midnight, I am slowly sobbing at the Columbia Spectator office editing a field hockey recap because my time management is a struggling effort.
- Surprisingly, I did not scream as much.
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Did I have an inside voice back in high school? Yes. Unfortunately, it is a new revelation that I do not behave like a human being.
- I didn’t think it was acceptable to attend my 8:40 class in my pajamas.
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I am in Psych right now in my pajamas. This is not good. RIP.
- I ate a well balanced diet.
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Well, my mom fed me a well balanced diet. But otherwise, I ate my veggies. I miss vegetables. They are so hard to cook. Dining halls ruined my life.
- Cooking for myself was not a chore and I enjoyed doing it.
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Back to the whole “Lizzie can’t do time management thing,” but cooking now feels like a chore and that’s a bummer.
- My room was actually clean.
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I’m sorry that my clothes are everywhere, Maria. I tell my mom on the phone that my room is spotless. I have a growing pile of dirty clothes since I hate folding my clean clothes which are stuffed into my laundry basket.
Can someone get the Fab Five or Marie Kondo to come fix my life? I’d like to wear real clothes in the morning again.