Do’s and Don’ts of the Jug
The Old Stone Jug. Their Twitter account calls the jug “the most happening place in Hamilton, NY.” College Confidential calls it a “steamy cesspool of hormones masquerading as a dance club.” Ron Burgundy would probably call it the Old Stone Yug, with a soft J. Whatever you call it, we’re all headed there one night or the other, so keep these tips in mind if you want to have a great night and a regret-free morning.
DO tie your jackets with your friends’ jackets and/or to part of the wall.
The temptation to fling your coat on the nearest bench is always there, but, much like the temptation of that fourth slice of pizza you MUST resist the urge.
DON’T put your jackets anywhere near the ATM.
Or as I like to call it, the Bermuda Triangle of jackets.
DO let the girl alone in line next to you join your group’s bathroom trip.
If the girl code has a chapter on bathroom etiquette, it would include that female strangers can pee together when they’re out without it being weird, and you should never leave a soldier alone (or is that the Marine Corps code?). If she’s alone and asks if she can tag along, bring her with.
DON’T go to the bathroom with 20 of your friends.
Seriously, is bringing everyone you’ve ever met in with you truly necessary? Every girl waiting in line is probably one song away from breaking the seal. There’s no way every one of you ACTUALLY has to go at the same time.
DO hit the dance floor.
As any experienced Jug Go-er will tell you, this place is certainly not a place for holding back. If you’re usually self-conscious about your dance moves, or lack thereof, you really have nothing to worry about here: you’re out to have fun!
DON’T have sex on the dance floor.
But actually.
DO request songs at the bar.
It’s a good way to make sure that hit you want to hear comes on, and it’s always fun when Your Song with your best friend plays and ya’ll can get down.
DON’T request bad songs at the bar.
Bad songs include: Christmas music when it isn’t December. Taylor Swift’s song Trouble, because now people like to do the goat scream during the chorus in real life. Friday by Rebecca Black. Even if it is Friday.
Also included: slow songs, slow country, old and slow songs, anything with inadequate bass, etc.
DO get to know John Jug.
He can be a pretty nice guy, and it’s always helpful to get on his good side when the bar is busy or you’ve lost something (again, see tips 1 and 2).
DON’T really get to know John Jug.
I’ve seen people flirt with him. It happens I guess. But honey, no pair of beer goggles should ever be that foggy.
DO take a boy’s number.
If you’re hitting it off with a guy, trade numbers instead of leaving it up to chance to run into him again (and so you can Facebook stalk him with your roommate in the morning, obviously).
DON’T take drinks off of the tables.
Countless people get in the easy habit of this, and while it’s certainly tempting at the time, it’s also dangerous and super disgusting when you think about it. No exceptions!
DO think ahead about your hook-ups.
Not gonna lie, the Office of Admission did a pretty good job selecting the Class of 2016. But if you’re not a first-year and you’re looking for someone to catch the cruiser with later, you may want to invite him back to your place or consider picking on someone your own size. If there’s something about “Wanna come back to my double in Curtis?” that actually sounds sexy at the time, think about that walk of shame across the freshman quad you’ll have to do in the morning … all the way down the hill.
DON’T try your luck with the hot guy whose girlfriend stayed in.
The “we’re just talking!” justification is all too familiar when it comes to boys we know are off-limits. But check yourself, conscience. 1: “Talking” at the Jug has a way of turning into “dancing” and 2: the Bio department recently released data that 1 in 4 instances of Jug “dancing” runs a risk of pregnancy. (Well maybe they haven’t yet, but I’m convinced those statistics are spot-on.) Honestly though, this school is way too small to push any limits. Liquid courage tonight could mean a love triangle in the morning.
DO meet new people.
You know what they say! All golden friendships begin by starting random conversations with strangers sitting on a pool table. Find a good balance between friend time and introducing yourself to new faces.
DON’T meet that guy who just made out with that girl … and that girl … and that other one.
The serial tongue assassin. The mouth polygamist. The guy serving up his sloppy seconds all around the dance floor. We’ve all seen him. You think, “Ew, obviously I wouldn’t let that guy near me!” But then, some sexy Rihanna jam is on, or maybe the Goose has you feeling a little loose, and hot guys are showing up less often than the Cruiser. You may not run when he sends some pick-up line your way. Attention is fun. But remind yourself, avoiding a tongue that’s just been in contact with ten others? MORE FUN!
DO channel your inner Beyonce.
DON’T channel your inner Kesha.
And you probably should not buy a hotdog.
PHOTO CREDITS:
http://moneyhoesandclothes.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/kesha.jpg