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Nineteen feels like August

The fragility of the infamous teenage years slips away as the sun sets on the last of Summer’s nights 

bittersweet, although more sweet than bitter, I like to think

In year 19 I felt myself shifting, pieces of my younger self littered across this campus

some of those gaps filled for the better, others left searching

Must I fill those spaces or is this my new shape of being?

In year 19 I learned—am still learning?—love and intimacy are not the same.

but I have also come to know that the desire to love and be loved is the ultimate strength, not the weakness it is made out to be 

Because it will always be easier to only make accessible the part of myself that is simplest to give away

In year 19 I crawled through the worst January of my life

I sank without resistance into the numbing grayness the world offered every day

as I felt the new foundation I had built for myself pop at the seams I had so loosely sewn together

In year 19, only February could bring the realization that my days began to feel

lighter

spring progressed, and brought with it the most fulfilling of friendships 

and the easy lightheartedness of being understood by those you love most

In year 19 I fell in love with the simple joys of time to myself

the coffee I make for myself each morning,

the flame of my lit candle dancing in the windowsill

the reflections scribbled throughout my journal, allowing myself to feel and think as it comes to me

In year 19 I feel grateful for all my years before.

I hold tight each past experience for producing the mold I will evolve from throughout my twenties

Nineteen felt like August, but autumn is my favorite season

Alina Castaldy is a sophomore at Colby College, majoring in English. She loves to create and learn through reading, writing, and dancing. A fun fact about her is that she will never turn down the opportunity to catch a sunrise!
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