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Year: 2015
Dorm: Taylor
Favorite dining hall: Bobs
Major: Econ/German Studies
Hometown: Wayne, New Jersey
Relationship status: Making monthly alimony payments to the former Mrs.
Three Things You Can’t Live Without: The gym, food, oxygen.
Interests: Partying with my Dad, occasionally dressing in drag, and fishing.
Favorite Movie: Caddyshack
Favorite Song: “Battle of Evermore” or “The Lemon Song” –Led Zeppelin
Favorite Book: Flowers for Algernon
Favorite Professional Athlete(s): Muhammad Ali, Jackie Moon, and The Player Formerly Known as Mousecop
What do you do on campus?
Bicep curls.
What’s one girl trend you don’t understand?
Speaking in text language. “Obvi” and “OMG” are not words; they’re closer to the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
What do you look for in a girl? How about a deal breaker?
She’s funny, can hold a conversation, and appreciates a man with a mustache. Girls who don’t want mustache rides, pretty much game over at that point.
If a girl offered to make you dinner, what would you ask her to cook?
Beef Wellington with a side of Prime Rib and tortellini carbonara…good luck.
What’s your most embarrassing moment?
I think having your Dad as a wingman is both embarrassing and extremely empowering at the same time.
What’s your favorite pick-up line?
“Oh my God, you look nothing like your Facebook profile picture!” or “Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?” I have no idea why neither has worked yet.
What makes you different from the average Colby student?
The circumference of my biceps coupled with the concentration of steroids currently in my body.
What are your favorite pieces of lax lingo, and what do they mean?
Coach’s usage of the phrase: “Rip city” or “we’re going to Dub-ville”. Wesley Pipes, ratboner, kayaking, and Phil’s daily proclamation that it is a “GREAT DAY!!!” regardless of time of day or current weather conditions. If I told you what these all meant, I would have to kill you.
How did your first kiss go down?
Sitting under a tree at a party in Princeton. She tasted like shellfish…I’d rather not get into the personal details of the story.
Do you have any funny nicknames?
I’ve been called the songbird of my generation. Duca-cepts and top-heavy are pretty common too.
Any guilty pleasures?
Pina colada smoothies in the spa.
What’s your dream job?
Shepherd or crew member on Deadliest Catch.
If you could have one author write your biography, who would it be?
It would be a combined effort of J.K. Rowling and J.R.R Tolkien. Wizards and dwarfs, story of my life.
What’s the first CD you ever bought?
Backstreet Boys…I got it for free in a McDonalds happy meal. Yeah, I was pretty upset about that.
What kind of shampoo do you use?
Mane N’ Tail: Horse Shampoo.
Write a love haiku about the Colby men’s lacrosse team…
The package of Frank
I cannot stop my staring
We hate three-hundreds
Which boy band would you be in and why?
Blink-182 because I connect with the lyrics on a deeply emotional level and would like to move into a 2 bedroom condo and adopt a small Pilipino boy with Travis Barker.
What’s your spirit animal and why?
The majestic walrus. While people see me above water occasionally, when I dive under no one has a clue what the hell I’m doing down there.
Any stuffed animals?
Chesterfield the rabbit, one of the learned doctors of my house.
How do you handle being “really, really, ridiculously good looking?”
Well, I wake up every morning and piss excellence. Other than that I try to avoid looking in mirrors.
If you were president of Colby, what’s the first thing you would change or add?
This question is stupid.
Are you a long stick or short stick kind of guy? …on the field, that is.
Mostly long stick; I’ll fiddle around with the short ones from times to time. I’ll also wield a soul-pole if the mood strikes me.
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