*Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault*
Honestly, I’d never thought I would add another title to my already messed up life. I did expect my life to get more messed up as time went on, just not during my last semester as an undergraduate. My name is Kira Lloyd, and not only am I survivor of suicide, but I am also a survivor of sexual assault.
I’m not sure how to feel about life right now. I know life isn’t supposed to be fair but damn, I did NOT need this piled on top of me. The last thing that I wanted happening to me was to be taken advantage of in one of the most traumatizing ways possible.
I’m not going to go through the complexities of my sex life, but I had never experienced the level of disgust, pain, and vulnerability after sex than I did on the night of January 25th, 2020. I blamed myself because I felt like I deserved it. I felt like I put myself in that situation of having to go to the hospital and doing a rape kit. I was actually considering not reporting it because I was being considerate of his future, but after the counselor came to speak to me at the hospital, I realized I was wrong. Nothing was my fault. I didn’t give him consent and I made it explicitly clear beforehand that I didn’t want to do anything sexual. I MADE IT CLEAR. He still didn’t listen and did what he wanted to do and I was left to pick up the pieces of my broken spirit.
Reporting it wasn’t easy, trust me. Having to explain to more than two officers and writing a statement was tiring. It was the first time in a while where I didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. Having to take pills and getting the most painful shot in my life was tiring. My mind and body were tired. However, I knew I was doing what most victims couldn’t and I felt like not only was I doing it for myself, but I was doing it for them too.
I wish I could feel like everything was fine and dandy now that I’ve reported it, but obviously it isn’t and probably never will be. However I’m holding on strong and doing what I need to do to make sure my mental health is in check while trying to get everything back on track.
I stand in solidarity with every victim of sexual assault and although we are tied together through an unfortunate event, just know I am here and willing to talk to if anyone needs a shoulder to lean on.
