As it is finals week, I am writing this blog as opposed to my three 10 + page papers that are due sooner than I care to believe. However, as I find it difficult to focus with a lot on my mind, I thought I might share a few quick thoughts so as to maybe calm the minds of other ladies who have the unfortunate luck to be in a similar situation.
A brief background: I am one of those people who will put others first that I care about at my own expense. I’m a people-pleaser who loves to take care of others and is genuinely heartbroken if I have offended someone or they are upset with me and I immediately want to fix it. This can be a great quality for relationships, but also a dangerous one. It’s a very fine line between giving your all to someone as a relationship requires, and being played/used/toyed with by someone who likes being around you when convenient. With that being said, here are some bits of wisdom I’d like girls to keep in mind so that instead of being worried about dumb boys, you can focus on your academics/careers and being bosses.
First, you are all you need to be happy. Do not let your happiness depend on another because you should wake up every morning knowing that you are exactly where you need to be and who you need to be. The only thing you can worry about is being the best YOU there is. As one of my favorite quotes goes, “A girl should be two things; Who and What She Wants.”
Next, do not feel like you did anything wrong if someone doesn’t like you for you. Sure, you can hit it off with someone and they can find you attractive and vice versa, but if they decide to walk, you shouldn’t feel the need to chase after them. Part of what makes being with someone so great is that they want you as much as you want them – not for getting anything out of it, but because they want you, flaws and all.
Know when to let go. You need to know when something good for you stops being good. Sometimes people outgrow each other and that’s ok. The boy who you first clicked with may not be good for you on a deeper level than friendship. It may suck to let him go, but in the end, a relationship is about two people who care about each other for who they are, want the best for each other, and will mutually work for that. Some wisdom from my parents that is very applicable is to, “Marry/date your best friend.”
Lastly, love yourself and give yourself the attention you need. This means keeping your girlfriends close because they’ll always have your back, treating yourself to good clothes and food, and taking time each day to pray, meditate, work out, or anything that keeps you grounded.
I hope this helps calm the fears that you are alone in your guy issues. And in those times that you don’t feel worth it, know that you are so worth it. You don’t need a man, but if you find one that helps you be a better person, hold him tight and help him be a better person too. If we all appreciate and work to bring out the best in each other, what a difference that would make. Stay strong girlies, we’ve all been there.
Love,
One of the Nice Girls Who Loves You for You