We’ve all been there; we’ve all had those days when we’ve walked past a mirror, looked into it, and felt mortified by the person we saw on the other side. I was never the super athletic girl. I played a couple of sports in middle school and was always at least in the upper half of the middle class of high schoolers as we ran around the track. But I never felt like this – never before had I ever looked into a mirror and wanted to cry at the image staring back at me. Never before had I barely been able to reach 6 minutes and 21 seconds on the elliptical. But here I am, trying to save face as I pedal away on the exercise bike (level one by the way).
I had just been cleared to work out again after my first foot surgery. The recovery itself took almost four months. It was eight weeks on crutches, six weeks in a walking cast where I slowly had to re-learn to walk, and almost another six weeks in a walking boot before I could even dream about wearing normal shoes again. The surgery was in May, and here we were in January when I finally committed myself to returning to the gym.
While struggling to maintain dignity on the bike, you manage to think about all of the things not fair in life. Why does sugar taste so good if it’s so bad for you? Same goes for bread; I can’t think of a day when I didn’t have at least one food item that had some form of gluten in it. Without it, I feel grouchy and hungry throughout the entire day. I tried a gluten-free diet in high school once. My mom wanted to do it and I said I would do it with her. While there were many health improvements, I still ending up going back to bread and then living the rest of my life pretending that the diet had never happened.
Studies show that for the average person to form a habit they must perform it at least 21 times. It doesn’t matter to me if I’m super fit, or even how I look in a bikini once summer decides to bless us once again with its presence. What matters to me is the ability to walk up to the third floor of Luter without having to brace myself outside the door of my classroom as I attempt to catch my breath before walking inside.
The main thing that has helped me continue to work out is that I’m doing it for me: I’m not doing it for anyone else. Which is why it’s okay when I mess up and don’t always eat the right things at meals. Or when I decide to treat myself with M&M’s from the vending machine and I happen to get two packets; I could either save one or eat them both (I chose the latter). But that’s okay, because once again, I’m doing this for me. For once I don’t care how other people see me. What matters is that when I look in the mirror, I’m happy with what I see.
So far it’s been going pretty well. I’ve kept up my gym-going habits for about four weeks, occasionally missing a day or two to catch up on sleep – but that’s okay. I’m human and I make mistakes. As long as I continue to think long-term I know that I’ll be okay.
A person should never feel pressured to go to the gym. I’ve found that in the past when I went for other people, it was harder to go. But now I want to go because I know that one day I’ll look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.