Every year, around June, I get the same email. Right when life starts to get boring, my favorite subject line pops up in my notifications: Alumni Auditions. I work as a scare actor at Busch Gardens Williamsburg and no matter how many times I say “I hate this place! I’m never going back!” every summer, I go running back into the auditions like it’s a bad relationship. Honestly, though, I love the job. I get paid higher than minimum wage to run around acting like an idiot with a British accent for at least 6 hours. It’s literally the best job ever and I am very proud to say it’s one of the two jobs I’ve ever had (the other being a Christmas elf at the same theme park). All of that being said, it cannot be ignored that the most interesting, weird, or even scariest characters I’ve interacted with were not in costume and were not being paid to be as strange as they were. This is of course, the guests. Most people that have passed by me as I ramble on about spiders or fire can be placed into some neat little groups. I’ve spent 3 years compiling my 6 favorite experiences with these archetypes for your enjoyment.
- The UFC stars
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Fight or Flight are the two most common words that come forward when people are talking about how they react at haunted houses. Here’s a tip from an actor: If your answer to fight or flight is “fight,” don’t. Go. To. Haunts. While it does suck that you might not get that experience, I can guarantee that it sucks more for the actor you just punched in the face for startling you. Luckily for me, I have never been maliciously hit while working. The closest I’ve ever gotten to that was my first year working there. For hours I had been hiding behind a bookcase in a library scene and poking out with a finger to my lips to “shhh,” The guests that walked by (it is a library after all). A lady that had been forced to the front of her group to take the brunt of the scares reacted to being shushed by flailing her arms in front of her while screaming “AAAAAH!” for a good few seconds. With a smack to the arm, the last thing she saw before walking away was me grabbing my arm and mouthing “ow” as I backed into the shadows of my bookcase. Thankfully, the last thing I heard from her was an apology frantically called out behind her. No report necessary. However, others have gotten significantly worse. While I consider myself lucky that I’ve never been attacked by a guest, as I’m no longer a minor and am permitted to be in the outdoor zones of the park, I’m almost sure that my streak will end in the coming years. Wish me luck.
- Tactile Learners
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Some people take in their environment best through visuals. Others are entranced by sounds and music. Some feel that they have to touch everything to understand it. Those are the worst kinds of people as a scare actor. Sometimes I feel like I need to parent these grown adults and say “we look with our eyes, not our hands”. Once, I was standing in a light, acting as a prop when somebody came to take a picture with me. That’s when I hear his friend say “hey, grab the leg” (of a giant spider on my back). Of course, because my job is to be scary, I get to respond with a sharp “Don’t touch!”. Without even taking a picture, the two guests walked off. Suddenly, I notice security jump into action. Soon after, one of the security guards (the actual cop) came over to me and told me “hey, I handled it. if anybody tries anything, let me know. I’ll deal with them.” Unfortunately, he was in my zone maybe once again for the whole season and even if he was, there is no way I would spend my entire night reporting every person that grabbed or touched the spider. I was resigned to it. Even when somebody squeezed between my back and the wall, literally petting the spider on their way through, I simply let them pass and rolled my eyes. Perhaps, they’re merely curious, but if they are that curious about spiders, they should study insects or move to Australia (preferably the latter) instead of going to Howl-O-Scream and petting Miss Muffet.
- The pickup artists
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Very often, the tactile learners turn out to also fall into this category. The Pickup artists exist in all customer facing jobs, of course. However I’m of the persuasion that those that flirt with scare actors are more creative and bold than others may be. I’ve discovered a phenomenon in scare acting in which people (predominantly creepy adult men for me) will see the human being in front of them and because that human being is in a costume, lose all inhibition that would usually result in no more than staring too long. My first year working, I didn’t understand the commonality of getting hit on while scaring… until I started playing a child. When I started asking people to play tag and telling them that “mother says I kill my friends,” the creepiness of guests skyrocketed. One of the most memorable pickup artists that I encountered was during my most recent season. I saw a man pretending to write something on his hand and when I asked him “what are you writing?” most of his group startled as I had popped out of a corner. But he, however, leaned in and said “I’m trying to write your number. I have the first three but I need the last seven numbers.” UGH! I had to tell him three times how disgusting he was and to keep walking before he finally listened. Not to me, by the way. A member of his group had to pull him away because they wanted to keep going. (He didn’t even have the first three numbers anyway. My number isn’t from this area so the joke’s on him). So, if you find yourself identifying with this category, maybe remember that the monster is very likely to be a child when she takes off her makeup.
- Mama bear
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The 2024 season gave me the opportunity to finally be out in the open at the park. Being outside came with a whole range of new experiences. This is where the Mama Bear comes in. A strange phenomenon occurs when mothers come to the park with their small children that are terrified because they’re four and it’s completely reasonable to be scared. These mothers believe that it makes sense to walk into a theme park and get very angry at the people in the park for doing their job. Just like it is the job of retail or culinary employees to sell you products or serve you food, it is my job to scream in terror about spiders. It’s important to note that you can’t get to where I was without not only noticing that the monsters have been unleashed but also without seeing somewhere to buy a no-boo necklace. Yet somehow, I still see moms putting their hand out like a traffic cop, saying, “Stop! He’s little!”. News Flash! Children are not automatically exempt from being scared at Busch Gardens. I will admit that some guests may have seen me mocking mama traffic cop after she passed by.
The worst was a mother I encountered during “witching hour.” where the monsters are released into the park at 6:00 PM. During this event I approached a little boy who was hiding behind his mother and asked “why are you hiding?”. Mama Bear, proceeded to stomp at me (which was difficult not to laugh at as she was not intimidating and at most 5’0 tall) and angrily mumble at me to “bug off!” What follows is my biggest regret in life: I did not respond with “Is that supposed to be a spider joke?” If I had, I could have died happy right there, but unfortunately, I simply wandered off, the spider on my back bouncing away with me. This is something that I will never understand about humanity as a whole. I just don’t get how somebody could come to a haunt with their child, watch everybody else getting scared by the monsters running around, have multiple opportunities to buy their child a No-Boo necklace, and yet still get angry at me for doing my job. My advice for mothers bringing their terrified children to Howl-O-Scream: Don’t.
- The wannabe scarers (also known as Mike Wazowski)
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Something I didn’t know before becoming a scare actor was that my job was, apparently, the most coveted job on the planet. At least, it would seem that way considering how many people really try to scare the actors back. One of my favorites of this “beautiful” imitation occurred with a group of teenage boys. One of them was on the phone so naturally, I wandered over and asked “who’s on the phone? Can I say Hello? Helloooooo!” as I did with everybody. As I did this bit, the one on the phone told me that their friend hadn’t answered. It was a slow night so I continued the interaction, demanding that they call their friend back so I can say hello. It is at this point that one of the boys finds their way behind me and screams at the top of his lungs. Why? I have no idea. To make things worse, the security guard that was in the area did not see it because she was on her phone. Then she proceeded to ask another actor “can they not do that” and after the boys had already left, give a quiet, ineffective, “don’t yell at the characters.” Are. You. Serious?
Many guests will give the excuse, “They yell at me, I’m just doing it back to them!”. That’s not how that works. While you, the guest, may be at a theme park, I am at my job. Despite the two of us being in the same location, we are not in the same environment. No matter how much you think it’s funny to try to scare the actors, it’s not. There’s a reason I call this category Mike Wazowski. These people are not scary and when they want to be funny, it’s only amusing to children.
- The Regulars (for better or worse)
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There are two different kinds of regulars at theme parks. The first is the best kind. They come in every few weeks. They find their favorite character and they chat for a little while. Sometimes they run a social media account and come for content. Other times, they are just fans of the park and fans of a certain actor. Being that favorite actor is an interesting experience in which the guests sometimes act as if they know you better than they do. There were these two girls last season that came through every few weekends and I grew to recognize them. I learned their names and every time they came through they stopped to talk to me (or rather, Miss Muffet). I loved seeing them, but I wondered if they thought they knew me better than they did. Sometimes I wonder where they are now and if they would recognize me if I played the same character next year; or even if I played a different one. The other kind of regular, for me, took the form of a rather creepy old man. He came through my area multiple weekends and every time he saw me would say “there’s my spider.” Ew! Eventually I got sick of it and when it happened again, I was quick to tell Security about the weird guy that made me very uncomfortable and they took care of it. Thankfully, he was receptive and never spoke to me again. In fact I never saw him in my area of the park again. Even more thankfully, cases of returning creeps are not too common. In general, the people that come to the park over and over again are my favorite people to see. They interact with me, play my games, and sometimes make the job that much better to know that even if they’re not scared of me anymore, they still want to talk to my character.
Despite all the crazy, strange, or even bad experiences that I find myself in as a scare actor, it really is the best job ever. I wouldn’t trade it for the world and if I’m being honest, some of these characters are what make the job fun, (except for the UFC stars, of course).