“The first week of freshman year, I woke up to see my roommate playing the trumpet. It was 7:30 in the morning!” – a junior
Picture this. You are going to one of those random roommate mixers. You are hopeful that you will become a part of a nice group of people that will become friends for a long time. A group of roommates that are actually friends and do activities together would feel great to have your first year at university. This is a favorable and almost pristine rooming situation for a lot of college students. It is even more disappointing when you have the expectation that your room is great space that you can make memories in but then the unthinkable happens: you have a fight. Now the room is fractured and one roomie is even leaving passive aggressive sticky notes on your door. How will you bounce back from this? This is not what you wanted for your college experience.
For many students, college is their first time being away from home. This comes with certain anxieties and fears such as rejection, not having any friends in your classes, missing out or comparing yourself to what other people are doing in their free time, feeling homesick, and yes, the dreaded fight with roommates. How do you mitigate these feelings so that your college dorm feels more like a place where you could belong? Like many of the Her Campus readers, my college experience has taken a lot of trial and error. There were many times that I felt like a small fish in a big sea of people that felt more confident than me. To help mitigate some of these feelings, here is some advice that I have picked up during my time in college.
1. You are a unique and valuable person that has a story to tell.
This may sound cliche, but all the people you meet in college have their own backstories. They have their own side quests, pitfalls, and maybe even a love interest. Do not think of yourself as lesser than the people you meet but a potential story that you get to learn about just as a you have a valuable story to tell as well. It’s okay if you don’t get to know every story. I like to think of it this way because it helps me to separate myself from the potential rejection that may come when meeting a new person or if a roommate ends up not clicking with me as well as I had hoped.
2. Cherish the time you have by yourself because you are worthy of care.
You don’t get a lot of private time in college. I think it is important that when you find yourself in a quiet spot that you spend this time intentionally. Think about ways that you have shown up for yourself during the school week. Utilize your dorm room to think about these things because the most intimate moments will most likely happen during the time you spend in your room alone.
3. Your living space belongs to you just as much as it does to your roommates.
I think this is important to remember because while you can be very accommodating to your roommates, it is important to set boundaries and expectations for yourself and what you expect from them early on so that you can be in the habit of having those honest discussions. It is important to be confident when asserting these expectations because this is a form of showing up for yourself.
4. Be open to new experiences. (especially with the people you live with).
Sometimes the people that you most frequently see end up being people of convenience instead of people that you are actively getting to know. Having roommates at a young age is a unique opportunity to get to know people on a level that is not usually available to you. This type of experience takes time, so don’t rush it.
I hope some of these insights help as you venture into the unknown of living with new people.