How to Go to a College Party While Sober

Honestly, the answer should be: just don’t. But that is no fun. And sober people want to be able to party, too! The reality of the situation, however, is that it’s really hard to have a good time when 99% of the people around you are in an altered state that bars them from the normalities of proper behavior. In fact, it gets annoying. It gets tiring. So, why do sober people keep going to parties, and how do you make it fun? I will attempt to solve this issue.

Most important rule: make sure there is dancing. If there is no dancing, there really is no point unless you’re fine small talking with people who can’t gauge their fingers from their toes. One of the biggest debacles for party-goers is what the hell do I do with my hands? For drinkers, it’s obvious. It’s comfortable. For those who don’t drink, you need to dance to occupy those hands. It seems silly and trivial, but trust me--my biggest hang up at parties is that I’m not doing anything with my hands. So dance y’all.

Secondly: Make sure your drinking friends know their limits. It’s really fun to see your (of legal drinking age) friends drunk. It’s really awful to seem them wasted. It’s really scary to see them black-out. Spending the entire night taking care of your friend is awful, and shame on your drunk friend for being selfish. However, if you put yourself in the situation of always playing caretaker and not standing up for yourself, then shame on you.

Lastly: Take advantage of the people-watching. You are about to see all of the random people you walk by on the sidewalks to class drunk. This is a strange experience but also very rewarding. Parties are places where people don’t care who sees them doing whatever the hell they want to do. So, learn a little about human behavior.

In conclusion, sober people of the world, parties suck. They are typically not fun when you are the only sober person there. However, if you look at the bright side and follow a few of my tips, just maybe you’ll come to like parties. Bigger picture here, parties are not the end all be all of college or life in general. My favorite memories of this past year have been close-knit hang outs with my hallmates, not the all-night ragers I was lured to attend. Sober people can have fun at parties, sure, but I urge you to look past the hype and find your niche without the peer pressure. You may be surprised what you find.